


you gave me everything you had

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, US Women's Soccer National Team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“And how you gave me everything you had, and I offered you what was left of me.” College AU. Hope walks into Kelley’s life at just the right time, and Kelley becomes the storm Hope never expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is less of a true AU and more of a "I threw the USWNT into college to see what would happen." It picks up after this initial intro.

 

After taking several deep breaths in her attempt to reconcile the news she had just received, Kelley added her entire college team to a new group text.

**Kelley: Well, AD’s out for at least nine months, they confirmed full ACL plus LCL, even cartilage blowout. Just two games into spring season.**

**Alex: shit. have you talked to her?**

**Kelley: I’m in class, she just texted me**

**Lauren: I’ll call her right now**

**Becky: let her know we’re all thinking of her**

**Lauren: of course**

**Kristie: poor girl.**

Kelley set her phone aside and, with a quick glance at her kinesiology professor to make sure he wasn't glaring at her for texting in class, started listing out the roster of returning players on her notepad. She would just flirt with some classmate and bum the notes off them later.

When she finally had it all down, she had to read the list three or four times to try to find some positive aspect.

There wasn’t one.

**Kelley: ten. That's what we have left. With Kling and A-Rod gone for next season, and now AD too.**

With Amy transferring out, and Meghan and Adrianna hurt for the next season, the varsity women’s soccer team was left with three strikers, three midfielders, and four defenders. Unheard of, for a division one school.

**Kristie: Counting Yael? She’ll be back from study abroad next semester**

**Kelley: oh yeah. Okay, eleven returners**

**Whit: there's the freshmen coming in in august. Seven, I think. And Tom was talking about open tryouts the other day**

She smiled slightly at Christen’s optimism—they did have a strong recruiting class, a leaving gift of their former coach Pia, who had retired at the end of the fall season—but they couldn’t rely on recruits alone to replicate the success of the past. Luckily Alex, Kelley’s roommate, voiced what Kelley couldn’t.

**Alex: so next season went from a rebuilding year to us being fucked. great**

**Kelley: Yup. Pia’s gone, we just lost our keeper to injury, two other starters gone, and eight seniors graduating.**

**Lauren: I talked to Adrianna. She's really upset but she was glad to hear we are all thinking of her.**

**Becky: Amy and I are going to visit her after practice today if anyone wants to come.**

**Kelley: definitely. This sucks**

**Becky: keep your head up, ko. Things work out. Just stay focused.**

**Lauren: and stop texting in class**

**Kelley: you are not my mother**

**Becky: I’m your captain**

**Kelley: not until Abby graduates**

**Becky: Do you want me to text her to text you and tell you to stay focused?**

**Alex: Kelley are you in that kinesiology class right now?**

**Kelley: maybe**

**Alex: I told you, you're going to fail unless you start paying attention**

**Kelley: it’s a 60 person lecture that I barely come to and im still passing it.**

**Kristie: How? Sleeping with the professor?**

Kelley snorted in quiet laughter, which received her a glare from a girl a few seats away. She glanced towards the middle-aged professor once more, who was slowly ending the lecture.

**Kelley: I thought about it, but he’s too mature and responsible. And too married. Not my type**

**Christen: and too male**

**Kelley: that too**

**Lauren: whatever. We can't lose anyone else, especially to grades, so don't mess up. Focus please.**

**Kelley: I’LL BE FINE**

**Becky: no one text Kelley until her class is over**

**Alex: I don't text her anyways**

**Christen: me neither**

Kelley grinned and fired back an insult, but her teammates' obedience to their rising captain won out; when no one replied, her grin turned to a begrudging smile and she set moved the phone off her notes. She stared down at the paper.

Under the heading "Kinesiology 301", she had nothing but names, positions, and formations, some crossed out, some circled. Plenty of underlined obscenities. Nothing on eccentric movements, as the professor was currently discussing at the front of the class. Her notes from prior classes weren't much different. Lauren was right: she needed to focus.

Then again, she sat in the back of class near the window, prime position for day-dreaming, so it really couldn’t be helped when, after just a few minutes of passively listening to her professor lecture from the other side of the room, Kelley's mind drifted back to the soccer field, back to the locker room, back to the team. Her team.

The fall season of her freshman year had been a modest success: the team, led by three-year coach Pia and senior captain Abby Wambach, had made a run at the playoffs and achieved a semi-final finish, better than they had in previous recent years. At the end of the season Pia announced her resignation and four months later Tom Sermanni, the coach of a small private school about an hour away, had been hired to replace her.

Tom’s second scrimmage as head coach, the second of their spring season, had happened just a few days before and ended rather disastrously: a 3-0 loss and a keeper with a blown knee. Adrianna Franch was Kelley's age, a rising sophomore. Given that their senior keeper Ashlyn would be graduating in just a few weeks, AD had been their only keeper. Now they would have to rely on an untested, unknown rookie freshman to come in next fall and salvage the season, their only hope.

As if they had any hope to begin with: in addition to the loss of Abby and Ash, the upcoming graduation ceremonies were also stealing away Ali, Carli, Shannon, Chalups, Cat, and Tarp, who collectively made-up the much-lauded backbone of the squad.

 _No wonder Pia had resigned last November._ Now that March had rolled around, reality had set in and for a half second Kelley wished she had quit too. She sighed loudly and dropped her pen to the desk, earning another glare from the girl a few seats away.

"That's pretty much it for today," the professor announced, regaining Kelley's attention. "Make sure you're studying for next week’s midterm. Thirty percent of your grade!"

Oh, and—to rub salt in her wounds—there was a chance she'd be failing kinesiology if she didn’t pass this test. A class she had taken as an elective.

The professor scrawled something on the board. "Just a reminder: if you are in need of help, these are my office hours. Come see me, we'll help you out. Have a good rest of the day, folks."

Kelley had already packed up—she had to get out to the field across campus in time for practice—but she paused before rising from her chair. After a moment of consideration, she hastily whipped out her notebook and copied the times down, then rushed out.

* * *

There was an air of grim determination at practice that afternoon. Spring season was usually a time to relax a little more and reacquaint yourself with the field and the ball after the winter offseason, and until today, the girls had treated it as such.  But with their fears for Adrianna confirmed and the realization that they were losing so many players for next season sinking in—perhaps thanks to the list of returners Kelley had sent them during her class—they had begun to understand that their success or failure would fall entirely to their small group, the youngest team WCU had fielded in years. 

Even the graduating seniors seemed solemn that day, even though their last few weeks of organized soccer were designed to be a celebratory send-off, not a battle or a funeral.

But it was a battle. Twenty minutes into their favorite drill, Face Off—a one on one physical challenge for an air ball, that turned into a three versus three game once someone had come away cleanly with the ball—not one player had escaped her teammates’ physicality. Twenty minutes of play left them covered in burns and bruises; Tom lauded them for their aggressiveness all practice but made sure to keep them reigned in, lest he have even fewer players for the coming weeks.

Kelley led the pack of aggressive players: she’d trained all offseason on her explosive power, size, and strength and wanted to put it to good use as soon as possible, because now, the prize for victory at practice was no longer simply pride, but a starting spot next for next season. 

Alex already had one of the forward positions locked in, having played the most out of all the freshmen last season and gained confidence with Abby as a strike partner, but Kelley figured she had a shot at the other forward spot, or something on the wing; Press and Kristie were the only competition she needed to worry about, so she threw her body into tackles and made run after run up the line even as it felt like her lungs were filling with sand. No longer would she be content with coming on to relieve Alex at the end of a game, or getting her all her playing time in scrub matches and scrimmages. She did her best to shake off missed touches and wild shots and let her work ethic prove her worth.

The hard work did take its toll, though. After practice, Kelley rubbed her jaw with a grimace. “Chen, the game is called Face Off, not ‘elbow-people-in-the-jaw-and-rip-their-Face Off.’”

“Same difference,” Christen called. She hissed as she poured water over her forearm, where someone had dug in their nails and left long red streaks during a particularly rough round.

“It’s not my fault you fell as my elbow was swinging back,” Lauren replied.

“Yes it was! And it hurts!”

“Aww.” Lauren reached out and playfully ruffled Kelley’s hair. “Tell you what, after we see Adrianna, I’ll take you out for ice cream to make it feel better, okay?”

“Okay, _Mom.”_

In response, Lauren, who did consider herself something of a mother to all the freshmen, despite being only a year older, reached over and tried to pull Kelley in for a hug as they all trudged out to the parking lot—Kelley cried out at the contact to her already sore body and the girls burst into laughter. Wincing, she joined in a moment later as they piled into Alex’s car.

It was a rough game, this sport, and these next few months would be even more difficult. But, Kelley reflected as Alex and Kristie up front argued over the stereo, she loved these girls and she could take the pain, even the pain of warming the bench, if it meant the success of her team.

* * *

“Eccentric is deceleration,” she muttered to herself. “Eccentric, deceleration. Isometric is…is when…” She was fairly certain that this was one of the first things they had learned at the beginning of the semester. But under that heading in her notes, Kelley had scrawled out the benefits of playing in a 3-4-3. With a loud groan, she slid out of her chair and collapsed to the floor in frustration.  
  
A few minutes later, she heard the door open and shut. She felt the slight vibration of the floor against her face as Alex strode into their dorm room, but she made no move to get up.

“Just leave me here to wallow in my lack of success,” Kelley moaned against the carpet.

“’kay.” Alex belly-flopped onto her bed with a sigh. Once the springs of the bed stopped squeaking, Kelley raised her head and looked up to see that Alex was face-down in her pillow, motionless.

“What’s up? Are you okay?”

“Servando,” came the muffled response. Alex kicked her legs in frustration. _B_ o _y issues._

That was enough for Kelley to push her kinesiology notes under her bed and struggle to her feet. Alex usually helped her study, but that could wait.

“Talk to me, dude. What’s going on?”

Another loud groan.

Kelley nodded; she’d been expecting that answer. This happened about every three weeks, either Alex or Servando getting frustrated because they couldn’t spend enough time together, or they spent too much time together, or someone had misunderstood something the other one said. When they were on, Alex and Servando were great. When they were off…well, after living with Alex for six months, Kelley knew just how to handle the chaos.

“C’mon, put on some sweats. Pizza and Starbucks on me, we can’t vent without food.”

When they first discovered their room assignments last August, in preseason, neither Kelley nor Alex had expected to develop such an inseparable friendship. By the time school began a month later, Kelley knew all the ways to make Alex smile no matter what and Alex had stood by Kelley’s side through every minor mishap, adventure, bad game, great game and long night of their college lives.

“So full story,” Kelley said when they sat down across from each other, a whole pizza between them, “What happened?”

“The usual,” Alex said dismissively; she picked sausage from her pizza slice with a rather aggressive hand.

“Want me to kick his ass, set him straight?”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Are you my best friend, or my older brother?” Kelley just shrugged in response and Alex continued to quell Kelley’s thoughts of physical violence. “Serv and I are really good, it’s just that lately we haven’t done anything together. Like, as a couple. And he’s busy and I’m busy and we don’t work to make time for each other.”

“And you talked to him about this earlier?”

“Yeah. And it just made him more stressed out and he stopped replying.”

“Got it.” Kelley munched thoughtfully on a slice of pizza.

“And he is _so_ wrapped up in doing his own thing with soccer. It’s really hard to be so supportive all the time, because he need that constant reassurance. What do I do, Kelley?”

“Well,” Kelley said slowly, as she pushed Alex’s plate closer to her. “First you need to eat.”

“But—”

“No! Don’t talk. Or think. Just eat a slice of pizza. Do it.”

Alex made a face at her roommate, but she obeyed; they sat in silence as they finished their slices.

Kelley cleared her throat finally. “Do you remember that time we got lost on the way back to campus after the Delta Chi party, at like four in the morning?”

The smile that immediately broke over Alex’s face was exactly what Kelley had been aiming for. “That was terrible!” she cried, laughing. “That’s why I don’t let you navigate anymore. We wandered for over an hour.”

“I was drunk, I can’t be held responsible for my choices,” Kelley shot back.

“I basically carried you like five miles.”

“There’s no way it was five miles. _Maybe_ two. You’re not that strong.”

“I still carried you and put up with your shit.”

“That’s why you’re my best friend.” Kelley cocked her head onto her shoulder and smiled as widely as she could, earning another laugh.

“Reluctantly.”

“You love me.”

“A little.”

“You better,” Kelley said with a laugh, “We’re living together for the next few years.”

The fast-approaching freedom of summer meant that the underclassmen had only a month left before they would be booted from student housing: Kristie was moving into her sorority house, but Alex, Christen, and Kelley had decided to rent a place together. Lauren had decided to join them as well, to provide “a responsible influence” for the three younger girls.

Alex sat up straighter in her seat. “It’s going to be fantastic. No more community showers!”

“Tanning in the backyard!”

“Parties!”

Between planning their next year together, Kelley kept up with the memories, from more disastrous nights to days spent on their favorite beach—college life in Southern California suited them well—until the weight seemed to lift from Alex’s shoulders. Then she mentioned Servando again, tentatively suggesting advice. She had learned long ago how to read Alex, how to balance laughter and love with more serious matters. She prided herself on the talent, in fact.

This time, it took an entire pizza and two lattes before Alex had decided on a course of action; after strolling through the most scenic parts of campus for an hour, Kelley had put a bounce back into Alex’s step, and their conversation turned to lighter topics as they turned toward home.

* * *

When they got back to the room, Alex dove onto her twin bed again, but this time she landed on her back and with a smile.

“Are you going to text him now?” Kelley asked, settling onto her own bed.

Alex shook her head. “Not right now. I feel better and I know how to fix things, but it can wait until later tonight.”

“Good call. What are you going to do instead?”

“Mmm. Nap.”

“Like a responsible adult.”

“Weren’t you laying on the floor when I walked in earlier?”

Alex didn’t see the sudden grimace of realization that flashed over Kelley’s face: she had forgotten about studying for her midterm. _Shit._ “You were just imagining things.”

“’Wallowing in your failure,’ I think you said?”

“Lack of success.”

“Ah.” Alex gave her a pointed look.

“Are you my mom or my best friend? Go to sleep.”

“Sure.” Alex rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. “Thanks for having my back, Kell. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Anytime, Al.”

Kelley reclined on her bed, giving herself a half hour to let the food settle and consider her options. It was Friday; her test was Tuesday. She’d blown the past three hours without achieving anything, and two trainings and a party meant that the rest of the weekend wouldn’t be much better. Today and Monday were her only chances to buckle down. With a sigh, she reached down and pulled her notebook from under her bed.

Flipping through it, something scrawled in red ink caught her eye: _Office hours, 1-3 PM, MWF, Bldg36, Rm 17._

She cast a glance over at Alex: the forward slept soundly. Were Alex awake, she would have given Kelley endless shit about procrastinating to this point where she abandoned her pride and sought out the professor just days before the test. But if she could sneak out while Alex was napping…

Before the urge to join Alex in dreamland overtook her, Kelley threw her book and notes into her bag and made for the office.

* * *

“Am I…is this Dr. Johansson’s office?”

A young woman grading papers at the desk glanced up with a smile when Kelley poked her head in.

“Yes, this is his office, but he’s in a meeting right now and I’m just covering for him. Can I help you, or should I schedule an appointment?”

Her first thought was that this girl was pretty, stunningly pretty; the sharp eyes and broad smile flashed her way left Kelley stammering for a moment before she found her voice and remembered the reason she’d come to the faculty offices in the first place.

“Uh, I—I was just looking to go over a few things with him, we have a test on—”

“You’re in Kines 301, right? Biomechanics? You can sit down if you want.”

Taken aback by the authority in the girl’s voice, Kelley nodded, then pulled out a chair and sat down.

Her surprise must have been obvious: “I’m the TA for the class,” the girl explained. “I recognize you…Kate?”

“Kelley.”

“Fuck.” A jolt shocked Kelley to the tips of her fingers at the word, which sounded strange in such a light, feminine voice. “Sorry. I know you from the class, I promise, your name just slipped my mind.”

She paused, smiled. “I’m Hope. It’s nice to meet you.”

And after a few seconds of unabashed staring, Kelley recognized Hope as the girl who sat in the front of the room during the kinesiology class, grading papers, changing slides, and occasionally leading the class herself. Kelley would have recognized her much sooner had Hope been wearing her usual dressy class attire, with her hair up, rather than the overlarge sweatshirt and sweats she wore now, and her hair wavy and falling naturally around her face.

The small bond of mutual recognition that they formed set Kelley further at ease and she managed to return a genuine smile.

“Nice to meet you too. Officially. I would have recognized you right away, it’s just in class you usually look so…clean.”

Hope cocked an amused eyebrow.

Kelley backpedaled. “Not like that, not like you’re a mess right now, you look really good, I meant, like, you’re usually so dressy in class, you looked very official.”

The eyebrow fell again and Hope laughed. She pushed her dark hair back out of her face. “I knew what you meant. Johansson wants all his TAs to dress well for class, otherwise I’d be in sweats all the time. Anyway. You said you need some study help before the test?”

“Yeah,” Kelley said with a nervous nod. “Yes.”

“Specifically?”

“Um…”

“Everything in general,” she guessed. “Massive cram session.”

“Yes.”

Hope sat back with a laugh. “You athletes,” she said, “Come in here and take a kinesiology class and think you’ll skate through because you’re physically gifted.”

Kelley’s odd sense of giddiness talking to Hope was shot through with a streak of indignation. “How do you know I’m an athlete?”

“I know things,” Hope said with a little smirk and an arrogant shrug. She pulled a pen and notepad towards her. “Soccer player, right?”

“Yeah. But—”

“So here’s the deal. Johansson rescheduled his office hours for 5 PM today, so you are welcome to come back later and go over things with him.”

Kelley nodded. Hope leaned forward with a slightly conspiratorial look on her face.

“Or, I’m running a Kines 301 study group for him on Monday afternoon, and you’re welcome to come. There should be about a dozen people there. Truth be told, it’ll probably be more beneficial and less embarrassing than walking in here and telling your professor that you don’t know what’s going on, especially considering you just text and daydream all class. When you actually show up, that is. So, how does that sound?”

Shell-shocked, Kelley accepted the scrap of paper Hope offered her, on which she had scribbled a date and time; she couldn’t think of anything to say in response to Hope’s self-assuredness beyond “Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you.”

“Good,” Hope said as Kelley rose unsteadily to her feet. “I’ll see you on Sunday. Nice to meet you, Kelley.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she mumbled back, then quickly escaped from the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Telling her teammates about the study session with the attractive teacher’s assistant had been a mistake.

“Damn, girl!” Ashlyn Harris called, standing on a bench in the locker room above the din, wearing only her sports bra and shorts. “What are you gonna wear for the ‘study session’?”

Her teammates cackled, sitting around the locker room after their Monday morning kick-about. Kelley appealed to Ali, Ashlyn’s girlfriend, but got no reprieve; this was Ashlyn’s favorite hobby.

“More importantly, what are you not going to wear?” HAO said with a laugh.

“I guess now we know how she’s passing!” Kristie called gleefully.

“Are you studying for a theory test, or will it be physical?”

Cat, another senior defender, took over. “Kelley’s killing ‘em,” she said, “She just has to mention ‘kinesiology’ and she’s got girls offering her private study sessions.”

Laughing, Kelley had buried her head in her arms to escape the abuse, but she emerged at this. “Okay, Cat, there are going to be other people there! It’s a group session!”

“That’s how they draw you in,” Ashlyn replied, smirking. “It starts with a group session, it gets a little flirty after, and soon enough, it’s all one-on-one…”

She finished with a raised eyebrow, suggestive enough to push Kelley to her feet and heading for the showers, followed by the echoing catcalls of her teammates.

Once under the water and free from the teasing, Kelley caught her breath from laughing and began to steady her nerves. She had already spent the weekend berating herself for acting like a love-struck teenage boy in front of someone as pretty as Hope.

She was better than that. She had joyfully flirted with pretty girls all her life.

“You’re fine,” she muttered to herself beneath the sound of the shower, where no one could hear her.

Hope just seemed so powerful in their first encounter that Kelley had been taken off-guard. But the two days to settle her thoughts, coupled with the confidence her teammates had inadvertently given her with all their teasing, had strengthened Kelley.

“It’s just kinesiology, dude,” she told herself, “Come on.” With that, she turned off the shower and grabbed her towel.

* * *

Only a few students sat in the study room in the library when Kelley turned up, but more arrived almost immediately behind her so that she couldn’t exchange more than a nod and a smile with Hope; the dark-haired girl sat in front of a laptop at the head of the table, leaning back with her feet kicked up on another chair.

Distinctly unacademic for a senior study group leader, especially the slouchy Nike hoody and worn jeans she wore, but she looked so at ease and in control that it was impossible to imagine her wearing anything else. She would have looked far more appropriate in a throne, in fact.

Kelley took a seat halfway down the table and focused entirely on the immense task of finding a blank page in her notebook.

“We all here?” Hope asked the group once the table had filled. “Good, let’s get through this then.”

It took Kelley a good five minutes to realize that she should probably be taking notes: Hope had a knack for sounding bored and nonchalant—even as she presented the most important points of the class. The feminine lilt of her voice kept Kelley’s attention far better than anyone could have expected. as they clipped through the vocabulary and discussions.

Occasionally, when no one was looking and they were supposed to be studying diagrams on the powerpoint against one wall of the room, Kelley let her gaze drift down to Hope. The older girl still had her feet up on the other chair, her body stretched out languidly, one hand on the laptop and the other tapping out a conversation on her phone. The latter seemed far more important.

“So that about covers it for the shoulders,” Hope said, once the final video finished. Kelley watched her tuck her phone back into her pocket. “And we’ve covered most of the stuff that will be on the test. So…just a few random sample questions?”

The students around the table nodded, readying themselves to take notes.

“Okay, Kelley,” Hope said suddenly, taking everyone by surprise, “during full arm abduction, describe the rotation of the clavicle.” She twitched an eyebrow upward, as if her question was a challenge, a test, to see if Kelley was on her game or not; her eyes twinkled as Kelley bit the inside of her cheek.

_Wait, she just told us this._ “Uh, axial,” Kelley said, then amended it: “Axial posterior rotation.”

The smile Hope gave her shot more confidence through Kelley than correctly answering the question did.

Hope ended the session ten minutes later after a few more random questions and most of the students filed out of the library quickly. Kelley almost joined them, but as the room emptied, the sight of Hope shutting down her laptop at the end of the table stopped her.

She thought of her teammates in the locker room. How could she let them down?

“Hey,” Kelley said, riding the wave of confidence from earlier. Hope looked up at her approach. “I just wanted to thank you for this whole thing, it really helped. It was great.”

_At least I can actually form words this time. Baby steps._

“No problem,” Hope said with a little shrug as she pushed the laptop into her backpack. “Johansson is supposed to run it, but it’s pretty simple so he just gives it to me and pays me, and I need the cash. Win for everyone.”

“You could definitely teach the entire class. I would pay so much more attention.”

At this, Hope threw her head back and laughed, a sound that made Kelley’s legs weak. “Oh would you? I don’t believe it.”

“I swear! I would sit right in the front row and pay attention to whatever you said.” Now they were both laughing, Kelley trying to make her case even as Hope brushed her away.

“Bullshit, O’Hara. You know how many times I’ve watched you just stare out the window in class?”

“Uh, it’s spring? In California? If I could live at the beach, I would. You can’t tell me you don’t love the beach, that’s a sin at this college. You look like a beach girl.”

Hope smirked and shook her head. “I’m from Washington. I’m much more at home in the rain and clouds and trees. Plus, after four years here, I’m used to the beach.”

Caught up in the conversation, they strolled together out of the study room and toward the front of the library, Kelley taking deliberately slow steps to try to piece together a suitable response. She’d spent half the study session planning lines, and so far, all of them had fallen flat.

She laughed a little at her own futility and gave in. “Okay, so you’re just weird. But four years…are you a grad student now? You’re a TA, so—”

“Senior,” Hope replied. “I got lucky to get a TA job as a senior instead of a grad student.”

“So you’re a genius.”

“No, Johansson just likes me.”

If had she known Hope better, she would have accused her of playing a game, deftly deflecting away Kelley’s attempts at every turn, no matter what.

She finally gave in and settled for normal conversation. “You’re graduating in a few weeks, then? What are you going to do after?”

Hope shook her head and pushed her dark hair back out of her face. “I took a semester off when I was a sophomore, so I still need to finish one more after this one. I’ll be out of here by December.”

Kelley could have asked a hundred more questions, and Hope, looking entertained with the it all, seemed poised to answer them. But Kelley’s phone buzzed insistently in her bag as they reached the front door of the library. Pulling it out, she read the message on the screen:

**Alex: I’m locked out of the dorm. Come save me.**

_You’re kidding me._ But before she could put the phone away, three more texts came in.

**Alex: Kelleyyyyyy**

**Alex: I’m going to text you until you respond.**

**Alex: help**

With a heavy sigh, Kelley told Hope, “So my idiot roommate has gotten herself into a bit of a situation and she needs me to come save her, so I have to go. But this was great, again. I’m feeling good for the test.”

“Great,” Hope said with a little nod. “You’ll do fine tomorrow, Kelley, don’t sweat it. Just take a seat away from the window, right?” She grinned. “Good luck.”

They said goodbye and headed off in opposite directions; Kelley resisted the urge to look back, and concentrated even more on resisting the urge to skip all the way back to the dorms. She hadn’t felt this light-headed in a long while.

**Alex: I look really dumb standing outside the dorm with no keys**

**Kelley: you ARE really dumb.**

* * *

“So. _Kelley_.”

The tone of Whitney’s voice perfectly matched the suggestive look on her face when Kelley and Alex walked into the locker room the next day, and Kelley realized that the only reason Alex hadn’t asked about Hope was because she was waiting for the rest of the team to do it for her. She’d gotten lucky, though; this practice was only for returners, so none of the seniors would be there to tease her.

Kelley raised her chin as she greeted everyone. “Yes, Whit?”

“How was the date?”

“The _twelve-person study session_ was great, thanks.”

“So you didn’t get laid?” Heather asked loudly from the next row of lockers.

“No!”

“Bummer.”

“KO’s got no game!”

Alex gave Kelley a playful shove. “Kelley’s completely in love,” she told the team, “She hasn’t stopped smiling since she got back yesterday.”

“You mean since I saved your dumb ass? Guys, Alex got locked out—” Kelley tried, but her face turned red and the chorus of _ooohs_ drowned her out. Alex stuck her tongue out and darted into the showers to rinse off before practice.

When she sat down next to Rachel with a truculent pout, Rachel elbowed her good-naturedly. “What did you say her name was, Kell?” she asked. A few of the other girls looked up, intrigued.

“Hope,” Kelley said, “Solo, I think? Hope Solo. She’s a senior.”

The younger players—Kristie, Christen, Whitney, Lauren—nodded with blank looks on their faces. But it was the surprised glance exchanged between Buehler and Becky that attracted Kelley’s attention.

“What? Do you guys know her?”

Amy spoke up. “She used to play on the team,” she explained, “A year before Becky, Rach, Heather, and I got here. Like, with Abby and Cat and all the other seniors.”

“Really?” Whitney asked.

“Yeah,” HAO said with a nod. “She quit after her freshman season and Ash took over the starting spot. When we got here we kinda knew what happened, but no one ever talked about it. Ash did fine, so it wasn’t ever an issue again.”

Kelley chewed her lip; the pensive looks on her eldest teammates’ faces weren’t exactly reassuring. Becky saw Kelley’s apprehension.

“There’s nothing wrong, Kell, she’s just an old player. Just…there’s no reason to mention anything to the seniors if they never mentioned it to us, you know? But she’s not off limits.”

“Yeah, so get some,” Whitney said.

The team’s laughter didn’t completely reassure Kelley: she wanted to ask what exactly was wrong with Hope, what had happened, why her teammates looked like the needed to speak in hushed tones in case someone overheard them…and then she remembered Hope’s smile and it gave her all the reassurance she needed. Becky was right: she was just an old player. Whatever had happened, happened four years ago. Now, she was just Kelley’s TA.

And there was no reason why thinking of her shouldn’t make Kelley’s stomach flip.

* * *

Hope wasn’t there later that afternoon for the test, replaced instead with a different teacher assistant. Somehow this put Kelley more at ease; once she had taken a seat (away from the window, as she had been instructed) there was nothing else to distract her. She finished her test quickly, which wasn’t nearly as surprising as the fact that she felt like she did everything correctly.

On Thursday, she walked in and immediately noticed that Hope had returned, sitting at the front desk with a stack of graded tests in front of her.

Kelley wasn’t sure which aspect—Hope or the tests—exactly caused the jolt that shocked through her.

“So today, everyone,” the professor began, “I have Tuesday’s tests to hand back to you. Overall, the scores were pretty decent, but they can always be better. For those who want to improve, Ms. Solo will be running a test review session tomorrow, for anyone who would like to see the questions and find out why they missed what they missed. Talk to me after for the information.”

‘Ms. Solo’s’ stride was long and confident as she made her way up and down the aisles, returning tests. Arriving at Kelley’s desk, Hope didn’t say anything, but there was an appreciative twinkle in her blue eyes: as she handed Kelley’s test to her, Kelley could have sworn she saw the slight kick of Hope’s eyebrow. Then she moved on.

At the top of the test, in red pen, was everything Kelley had hoped for: B+.

But more importantly, just below the grade was a post-it note written in a lean feminine scrawl that most definitely did not belong to her professor.

_Test review tomorrow at 12. From now on, Kines study group Mondays and Wednesdays, same place same time as Sunday._

_If you’re interested._

* * *

All her life, Kelley had flirted with a confidence that straddled arrogance, whether the targets be her best friends, boys, or people in the grocery store that she had no intention of ever seeing again. It had never been a problem. And as a bonus, it had led to more dates than she could have ever imagined.

Hope was different, though. After Kelley watched her during Friday and Monday’s study sessions—the way her hands moved, the way her eyes narrowed sometimes when she spoke—and became intensely aware of the fact that Hope possessed the capability to destroy her with a well-timed raise of her eyebrow, or a certain combination of words.

Kelley hadn’t yet experienced it firsthand, but she wasn’t exactly eager to do so.

Her new plan was to simply admire from afar, content to bask in the feeling of a budding crush without acting on it. Buried in her notes at the far end of the table, a safe distance, Kelley had an entire hour each session to find new things to like about Hope, from the sound of her voice to the way she examined other people as they talked. The way her sharp eyes picked up everything, never once glazing over, like a predator constantly vigilant of her environment.

It was all quite distracting, truth be told; the only thing that kept the subject matter remotely in Kelley’s head was the fact that Hope had a knack for asking her questions when she was most zoned out, as if she secretly knew Kelley’s eyes were on her the entire time—which was a distinct possibility. A few times when Hope glanced over at her, Kelley wasn’t sure that she had gotten her eyes back down to her paper in time.

_Safe distance, Kelley,_ she had to remind herself more than once. The words fueled her legs as she scurried out the door ahead of the group at the end of each session.

* * *

Monday night weight lifting had become something of a tradition for Alex, Kelley, and Christen; as they did every week, Kelley was running late and Alex was waiting impatiently.

“How are you so slow?” she asked, wandering about their small room as Kelley dug through her closet.

“I want a sweatshirt,” Kelley replied simply, “You just make sure you have your keys and don’t get locked out again.”

She received a “hmph” in response.

When Kelley emerged and tossed her sweatshirt in her bag, she found that Alex had stopped pacing and stood instead over Kelley’s desk, examining a piece of paper: Kelley’s kinesiology test, on which she realized too late she had left the post-it note invitation from Hope.

“So…” Alex strained with the effort of keeping her voice even. “You’ve hung out with your hot TA a few times and forgot to tell me?”

“Test review and study group,” Kelley answered instantly.

“But she was there.”

The corners of Kelley’s mouth twitched traitorously and this was more than enough to warrant the full-blown predatory grin that burst over Alex’s face.

“Tell me!”

“Well, I got a B+, so—”

“Kelley!”

“What?”

She ignored Alex’s overdramatic groan and headed for the door, but her roommate didn’t move.

“Aren’t we going?” Kelley asked, now the impatient one.

Alex crossed her arms. “You’re such a punk. I’m not leaving until you tell me about the girl.”

“Hope.”

“Tell me about Hope.”

Kelley sighed. After countless attempts to set Kelley up with a friend or “a really cute girl in the bookstore,” Alex had invested too much in Kelley’s romantic life to be evaded or dissuaded with an offhanded comment or joke. Nor was lying an option; Alex, ever-romantic, had a nose for these things.

“C’mon,” Kelley said, “We’re going to be late. I’ll tell you on the way.”

* * *

The way Alex walked alongside Kelley—she was damn near skipping—reminded her of escorting a five-year old around the campus. But she couldn’t deny the lightness in her own step as she talked about Hope.

“And she’s a badass,” Kelley told her, barely maintaining an even face, “You wouldn’t expect it, but you can tell.”

“How can you tell?” Alex asked with a laugh. “Like a biker badass, leather jacket, Harley, all that, or…?”

_She’s more of a speedbike type,_ Kelley realized. She had to fight to force the image of Hope wearing a leather jacket and straddling a bike out of her head. “Not like that. Like…sometimes the way she talks, it’s like she’s daring you to try to challenge her or she’s waiting for you to say something stupid. Like she wants a battle because she knows she’ll win. I don’t know. You should meet her.”

“If she’s _just_ your kines tutor, why would I meet her? I’m in political science.”

“I don’t know. But it would be worth it.”

“Mhmm. Sure. But anyway, are you going to try anything? One of O’Hara’s famous lines?”

Kelley laughed for the first time. “I don’t think she’s into girls, dude.”

“You didn’t think I was into girls either.”

_That_ had been an interesting night, a party with too much alcohol and too much relationship drama and too little clothing. Luckily, they had avoided the pitfall of drunken roommate hookups, but only just; the next morning, hungover and embarrassed, they reaffirmed their friendship, Alex had ended her fight with Servando, and no one ever looked back save a few nervous, offhanded comments.

This wasn’t the same as Alex’s intoxicated experimentation, though. Only a few yards from the door of the gym, their stride slowed and the tone of the conversation shifted into a lower gear.

“But still,” Kelley said with a sigh, watching her footsteps. “I don’t even know her. And she’s a senior, she’s twenty-two, she’s probably at the bars every weekend, she’s getting ready to go out into the world. Even if she’s single, how is that supposed to work? I’m 18, I’m a freshman in college. I’m not even in her world.”

She didn’t care to mention the fact that Hope intimidated the hell out of her.

It was almost funny to watch the plans for double dates drain off of Alex’s face as they walked into the gym, but the forward was ever-optimistic. “You should still try. You’re great, there’s no reason to be scared.”

“I’m not—”

“Try what?” Press, as chronically early as Kelley and Alex were late, levered herself up from a chair in the gym lobby and jumped into the conversation.

Alex had an answer before Kelley. “Try to make a move on her TA.”

“Ooooh.”

“It’s just for school.” Kelley quickly overrode them, working to reassure herself as much as her friends.

Press raised an eyebrow. “I thought you passed the test?”

“She got a B+ _and_ she still went to the test review session,” Alex informed Christen delightedly. The romantic in her had surged forward now that she had an ally and all her designs for Kelley’s love life returned in full force.

“Damn,” Press said. “We’ve lost her.”

“It’s because I wanted to do better,” Kelley muttered as they walked into the locker room.

“It’s because _she invited you with a handwritten note,_ ” Alex shot back.

“You should just ask her out,” Christen suggested, “You’ve never had a problem with that before, no matter how out of your league the girl is.”

“That’s what I said!”

“There’s never been a girl that’s out of my league,” Kelley said with a smirk.

Alex scoffed and pointed to herself. “Let’s not get ridiculous here. But you’re lying if you tell me that you’re only going to these group things for kinesiology. At least part of it is for her.”

“Okay, yes,” she admitted, “She’s really pretty and articulate and cool. I’ll say it, if that’s what you want—”

“We want you to date her,” Press interjected.

Kelley continued without acknowledging that. “—but I’m there because I need to study for biomechanics of the body and these groups are perfect for it. Really beneficial.”

“Sure, sure,” Alex agreed with an amicable nod, before her eyes flashed. “But you’d much rather study the mechanics of her body in particular, wouldn’t you?”

That was it—Kelley dropped her gym bag on the floor in complete exasperation, eyes pleading, her laughter a mix of amusement and desperation. “Please, _please,_ can we just focus on working out right now? Kill each other for the next hour?”

“Okay, but you walked right into that one, admit it.”

“I hate you, Press.”

Her friends rose to their feet, surrendering. “Okay, fine,” Alex said, “Let’s workout. Let’s double it, if you’re so fired up.”

Kelley was. Her heart beat hard against her chest. “Let’s go.”

* * *

That fire didn’t burn out over the next two days: Wednesday afternoon, after the study group disbanded, Kelley caught up with Hope just as they walked out of the library and began to talk before her confidence failed her.

“Hey! I know I said this last week, but I just wanted to thank you again, these little sessions are awesome.”

“Of course, Kell.”

_Kell._ They walked forward together and Kelley damn near tripped over her own feet. Her line tumbled out of her mouth with far less grace than she had imagined she would have.

“Listen, can I, uh, can we—can I buy you a coffee?” She pointed across the street from the library, to the campus Starbucks. “Just as a thank you for the past week. I really owe you.”

Hope’s eyebrows rose, and she glanced quickly from Kelley to the Starbucks and back. “You want to get coffee?”

_“_ Unless you have something you have to go do, or something,” Kelley replied with a shrug. Just the fact that she had not been immediately shut down was enough to warrant the smile that began to warm her face.

“No, I don’t have anywhere to be, I just thought—okay, let’s go get coffee.”

_Take that, Alex and Press._

* * *

It took them more than a few minutes to get their coffees, with Hope educating Kelley on why she liked Americanos, Kelley buying one for each of them, declaring it disgusting after the first taste, and ultimately going back for a regular coffee with extra cream and sugar.

“So,” Hope began when they finally sat down. “Was a kinesiology something you always wanted to do as a kid, or did you just pick the major because it goes well with sports?”

“I’m not a kines major,” Kelley replied, furrowing her brow.

“You’re not?”

“Nah, I’m more into science and technology. If I were a kinesiology major, I’d be a pretty bad one, huh? I need the tactile aspect, the ability to manipulate things to make them work, which I get more in the engineering side of things.”

“Wait, really?”

“What, did you think I was just some dumb jock?” Kelley feigned offense.

“I didn’t—okay, I didn’t mean it like that—”

Seeing Hope immediately sit back and begin apologizing was so unexpected that Kelley dropped her charade and began to laugh; she had won a small victory over the otherwise nonchalant Hope Solo and her confidence blossomed.

“Don’t lie to me, Solo. I’m _clearly_ much smarter than I look.”

Hope recovered at Kelley’s laughter and composed herself, lifting her chin regally. “Well, then, since you’re so intelligent, does this mean you’re actually good at kinesiology and you’re just coming around to the study sessions now to see me?”

“I—”

Ruin her pride, or divulge her secret crush? Kelley froze up. In her breathless haste to change the subject, she glanced down at Hope’s arm, resting on the table.

“Damn, this scar!”

She’d always been touchy, inherently a physical learner; without thinking, she reached out and touched Hope’s wrist, gently sliding her fingers up over the skin until they reached a rough purple patch about halfway to her elbow.

“What happened?” she asked, examining the scar closely as she traced it with her fingers.

Hope had flinched at the contact, and when she hesitated to answer Kelley’s question, the younger girl looked up to see Hope biting her lip; immediately, she backtracked, letting go of Hope’s arm.

“I’m sorry, that was really over-zealous of me, sorry. I get curious sometimes and just blurt out things without thinking—”

Hope began to laugh and her eyes softened. “No, it’s okay, don’t apologize. I just haven’t told anyone the story for a while and it’s weird to think about.”

Kelley started to apologize again, but Hope smiled to quiet her.

“I used to play soccer. I was a keeper.”

“Really?” She knew this already, of course, but it was interesting to hear Hope say it; her unbridled excitement led to her next statement. “You know, we need a keeper. The varsity team. You should come out.”

The moment the words crossed her lips, Hope’s blue eyes turned to chips of ice and Kelley couldn’t shut up in her attempt to fix whatever had gone wrong. “It’s just, we really need one, you could help, obviously…It’s a great team…”  But then the dark look exchanged by the seniors the week before returned to her mind and she finally managed to clamp down on her tongue.

Hope, in the meantime, picked up the conversation. “It’s not my thing anymore, Kelley."

“But—”

“No, sorry.”

Her eyes flashed cold again and convinced Kelley not to ask anymore questions; the younger girl managed a weak smile instead.

“It’s cool, it's fine.” She cast around for another topic and again found Hope’s arm. “So tell me the story, at least,” she said, pointing at it.

After a quick hesitation, Hope pushed her sleeve up again to reveal the scar. “I’ve played all my life,” Hope said slowly, still tense, as if Kelley would jump in and try to persuade her back to the field again. “Forward for a little while when I was younger, then back in goal. Anyway…we were playing on this really shitty field, with these old rusty goals, torn up nets, everything. It was midsummer and humid, so I was wearing a short-sleeve keeper jersey. Basically, someone got a shot on goal, shooting high to my right, and I dove, pushed it wide…” She acted out the story, leaning over in her chair to make an imaginary save.

“Then I grabbed the post and wrapped around it, trying to find my feet, but I was…stuck. It was the weirdest sensation.”

Kelley sucked in a breath.

“My momentum carried me all the way around the post,” Hope continued, looking down at her arm, “And then I came loose from whatever I was stuck on. I didn’t know what happened. I thought I’d torn my jersey, until I realized I was wearing short sleeves and looked down… you know what, I can’t tell you this over coffee, it’s brutal.”

“No, no, no, tell me!” Kelley said urgently. She sat forward in her chair with rapt attention, looking revolted and insatiably curious at the same time.

Though she furrowed her brow at Kelley's enthusiasm, Hope continued in a lower voice. “My arm, the skin, the flesh part, had gotten caught on one of the old hooks anchoring the net to the goal, and just ripped. Peeled away so I could see the bone. Suddenly there was blood everywhere and I clapped my glove over it, not even thinking about how dirty it was, and sprinted over to the sideline. I was in shock. I didn’t even feel it until I got to the hospital. Then I threw up.”

She broke off, rubbing her forearm self-consciously and looking haunted by the memory; Kelley examined her face for a long moment.

“Let me see it again,” she said softly.

Dubiously, Hope extended her arm back onto the table.

“That’s so gnarly.” Kelley pulled Hope’s arm toward her, running her fingers over the rough scar with new fascination. “Did you cry? I would have cried.”

“No, I was in too much shock. I swore a lot, more because I was scared than hurt. I didn’t really feel much until I got to the hospital and they cleaned it. Then they messed up the initial stitches, too.”

She touched Kelley’s fingers and guided them over the spots where the mistakes had been made, where the scar got rougher.

_Was this the story of why she quit freshman year?_ Kelley wondered. _Is that why she won’t come back?_ “How old were you?” she murmured, still mesmerized by the contact.

“I was…fuck, sixteen I think? A few weeks later was the first time I’d ever had surgery, since they had to repair everything that ripped off my bone.”

“That’s _so_ cool.”

“Yeah—wait, cool?” Hope asked; she began to shake with laughter and Kelley’s face reddened.

“Why’s that funny?”

 “Usually people are horrified by that story, not awe-inspired. It’s pretty gross. Cool is not the first word that jumps to mind.”

“Why are they not awe-inspired? It’s a cool story, and it just proves that I was right when I assumed you really are tough and strong and bad-ass. It’s like a war wound. I, for one, wouldn’t fuck with you.”

Hope leaned back in her chair, shaking her head. “You’re something else, O’Hara,” she said in mild amazement, still laughing. The sound finally brought forth Kelley’s lightness.

“I could say the same thing to you, Solo,” she replied with a smirk. Hope smirked back.

 


	3. Chapter 3

As they walked off the field for a water break midway through a Wednesday morning practice, Lauren fell into step with Kelley. “Do you and Alex need a ride later, or are you taking her car?”

“Her car, I think,” Kelley said absently. “Just text me the address and we’ll meet you there.”

Lauren nodded. “We’ve got it narrowed down to these three houses, we basically just need to pick between them and set a date to meet with the landlord. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good. Oh, and good job in that drill. Killed it,” Lauren said, before ruffling Kelley’s hair affectionately and then jogging out of reach. “See you later, _rooms_.”

Kelley smiled; she had done well, and she knew it. She had managed to notch a few pretty goals and slotted several assists to Alex and Abby in their small-sided game. Granted, the keeper they were firing on was an interim player they had picked up for practice sessions, someone Whitney knew from intramural sports who could keep the posts warm until next year’s players came in for the fall season. The keeper was a sweet girl but she definitely provided an ego boost to the strikers.

Still, a goal was a goal. Next season was looking up. Unconsciously, as she lowered herself to the grass to rest her tired legs during their water break, Kelley reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. The conversation she had been re-reading all morning lit up the screen. It had started earlier that morning, after Press reminded them of their plans to go check out houses after class.

* * *

**Kelley: Hey, I can’t make it to the study group today. I’m going househunting with my roommates. sorry!**

**Hope: No problem. We’re covering some important stuff though. I’ll let you know what we get to.**

It had taken her only a second to reply. Last week Hope had given Kelley her phone number in case Kelley would ever have to miss a group session. She had rattled it off quickly as they parted ways, in such an offhanded manner that Kelley didn’t expect her to be the type to respond at all, let alone so quickly.

But something about the fact that she did reply inspired the streak of confidence that preceded all of her rash decisions.

**Kelley: We could get lunch tomorrow and review it. I’ll buy, since you’re helping me**

**Hope: I have class most of the day.**

Her heart fell.

**Hope: How about Friday?**

It leapt again.

**Kelley: That sounds great**

“Kelley! Let’s go!”

Muting her grin, Kelley slid her phone back into her bag and raced Kristie back onto the field, flying high.

She had a lunch date with Hope Solo.

* * *

Two days later, it took only fifteen minutes of sitting at the table for Kelley to regret any excitement or nervousness about having a lunch date with Hope Solo. 

Over the past few weeks of regular group sessions, Hope had guided the group with a steady hand and bored detachment, her feet always up on the desk as she flipped through the powerpoint slides. She showed flashes of her wit on the rare occasion the opportunity presented itself, but the spark in her eyes simmered beneath the surface for most of the hour, and the group stayed harmonious.

One on one, however, this spark revealed itself a far more and Hope proved to be as exacting and stubborn as she was attractive—a devastating combination. She had discovered Kelley’s competitive streak immediately, personally challenging her to answer questions, calling her out on every missed answer, and prodding her through periods of frustration and bitterness. But like any former teenage rebel—which Hope clearly was, the boldness shined out of her blue eyes—she knew how to toe the line between truly upsetting Kelley and pushing her buttons just enough to get her worked up. The moment Kelley looked as if she were truly about to quit, Hope fired off a joke or compliment and set her back on the right path.

That Friday’s session was particularly difficult, to the point where even Hope looked tired: Kelley's hair fell messily about her face because she had run her hands through it in frustration so many times. She finally gave in and dropped her face into the textbook, laying on the table.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Hope said, in response to Kelley's forlorn sigh, “You just have to memorize the muscles and angles, you have the force and direction stuff down.”

Kelley groaned.

Hope tried again: “C’mon, they’re bringing out our food right now. Chin up, Kell.”

Kelley lifted her head with an overdramatic sigh and pout, but once the waitress slid the food onto the table and jaunted off, she began to brighten. Something about having food—instead of books—sitting between her and Hope made everything feel much more like a date. Her nerves and charm came rushing back and she forced herself to smile.

“It’s just so lame,” Kelley said, with a self-deprecating laugh. “I can rattle off Newton’s first law of motion like it’s my birth date, if you asked me, but I can’t memorize the extrinsic muscles of the hand.”

“Uh, well…what’s Newton’s first law of motion?”

Kelley looked down and picked at her fries as she mumbled, "‘Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.’ Like if you're on a fast train and you throw a book in the air, it won't just fly backwards unless you throw it backwards, since it’s moving forward with you. Physics."

"Huh.” Hope examined her for a moment. “What a nerd."

“It’s true!”

“I know it’s true, that doesn’t mean I can repeat it word for word.”

“What, so kinesiology is the only thing you can do?”

Hope took a bite of her food and chewed thoughtfully, with deliberate slowness.

“No.”

“Well, what else?”

Kelley wanted answers, she wanted to solve the mysteries that Hope kept herself shrouded in. Trying to charm Hope into giving her the information she craved had become almost like a game.

A game Hope was still winning. “I’m helping you with kinesiology so my other numerous talents don’t matter,” she evaded calmly, “So, let’s get back to the muscles and grips of the wrist. Name ‘em.”

Kelley flopped down to the table again, her head in her arms, a loud sigh escaping her: yet another missed opportunity, made worse by yet another academic question she didn’t know the answer to.

Perhaps Hope sensed Kelley’s will draining away. “C’mon, Issac Newton,” she said, biting her tongue to try to conceal her amusement, “You’re a bright girl. You’ll get this stuff, I promise.”

When Kelley looked up from her food with a withering glance, she found Hope’s blue eyes sparkling; Kelley lessened her glare, though she kept her eyes narrowed.

“Thanks, you’re such a great, motivational tutor.”

Kelley pushed on in a wry voice, even as Hope laughed. “Come to think of it, maybe you’re the reason I can’t get this stuff. Maybe you’re the problem.”

Hope’s laughter turned incredulous. “Me?” she demanded. “I’m graciously taking time out of my day off—”

“Because I’m buying you food.”

“Shitty campus food.”

“Still edible.”

“Debatable,” Hope observed, poking dubiously at her chicken.

“Fine! Next time I take you out, I’ll be sure to spend half my scholarship on dinner at the nicest place in town so you can feast on caviar and champagne as you watch me struggle…Princess,” she added bitterly.

Hope grinned at her, relenting, and Kelley counted it as a victory: a few weeks of adjusting to Hope’s sense of humor and being on the receiving end of her biting wit whenever Kelley stayed after the study sessions had sharpened Kelley’s own tongue. Emboldened, she had learned to play Hope’s game, firing shots and wait for Hope’s eyes to light up, as they often did now, to tell her she’d hit her mark and earned the older girl’s approval.

“So do you think we can get back to this wrist stuff?” Hope asked her a few minutes later. “Or am I just completely blocking your ability to learn?”

The arrogant arch of her eyebrow dared Kelley to spout another excuse. Instead, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

 “Well, how am I supposed to focus when my tutor is so attractive? Maybe it’s because you’re distracting.”

Kelley’s heart jumped into her throat as she spoke, but her pride prevented her from lowering her gaze when Hope’s eyes widened and she cocked her head onto her shoulder as if she had heard incorrectly. Kelley even managed to channel her adrenaline into a tiny smirk.

She’d spent so much time watching Hope talk, watching her hands move, watching her react to the things that people said that she swore she could see the sharp reply forming on her lips: then, just before Hope put breath to it, it vanished, replaced by a wry smile.

Hope pulled the books back to the center of the table. “C’mon. We still have an entire chapter to get through and you have a quiz on this next week. Try not to get distracted.”

* * *

Beaten, at every turn, by those sparkling eyes. In that moment, and for the rest of the weekend, the wry smile on Hope’s lips became the key to unlocking Kelley’s competitiveness outside of the soccer field and the study sessions; suddenly, passing kinesiology and scoring a victory against Hope became both synonymous and entirely necessary.

“Kelley,” Alex whined on Friday night. “Come with us!” Alex, Servando, Lauren, Jrue, and several of the soccer girls stood in the doorway of Kelley and Alex’s room, decked out in floral prints and hula skirts for a massive Hawaiian themed party on Fraternity Row. Kelley, on the other hand, lay on her bed in soccer shorts and a dingy old-t-sirt, knee-deep in kinesiology notes, and showed no sign of moving.

“Tomorrow night,” she promised, without looking up from her textbook. She was halfway through the practice test their teacher had provided.

“You’re going to miss such a great party,” Servando warned her.

“Tomorrow, buddy, I promise.”

The next night found Kelley in the same position and this time Alex didn’t even try.

She may have missed out on Beer Olympics, drinking vodka out of a coconut, and her favorite hobby of beating Alex at drinking games, but Kelley’s hard work just continued to build momentum when the weekend ended: she burned through her Monday night gym workout with Alex and Christen and still had enough energy to drag them out for a late-night jog around campus; eight hours later, she woke up refreshed and rested, and worked through two review chapters of kinesiology before Alex even opened her eyes. By the time Tuesday’s practice rolled around, everything had fallen into place so cleanly that she felt unstoppable.

“Beep test champ!” Becky called to Kelley, as the team jogged off the field for a water break.

“Yeah, cool it, dude,” Ashlyn said good-naturedly. She gave Kelley a shove. “Making the rest of us look bad. Good job, KO.”

Kelley accepted the abuse with a wide smile; her legs shook with exhaustion that she couldn’t feel beneath the pride and sunshine-warmth of confidence in her body. Riding the high, she sat down for water and pulled her phone out of her bag.

**Kelley: so I’m definitely going to kick ass on this kines quiz later today**

**Hope: Good. I knew you would figure it out.**

**Kelley: Hell yeah. Wanna bet I get a 90 or higher? Loser buys lunch**

**Hope: No thanks. stacked odds. You’re easily smart enough, so there won’t be a problem**

**Kelley: You’re no fun**

**Hope: I’m not stupid either, I just pick my battles**

Her heart thudding with pride, as if she were viewing the world from the top, Kelley grinned and slid her phone back into her soccer bag. Last man standing at conditioning felt pretty good; talking to Hope felt better.

The sound of Tom’s voice roused the girls from their water break. “Split up!” he called, approaching them. “Forwards in orange jerseys. Paul will give you your positions. Chalupny, Tarpley, Lloyd, and Mewis, you go with that group. Anyone I didn’t call, put on blue and come with me. Let’s go, on your feet!”

The girls jumped to their feet; grinning with anticipation, Alex tossed Kelley an orange jersey and the pair started to jog over to Paul. Tom’s voiced stopped them.

“Kelley! Grab a blue. You’re with me.”

Kelley stopped short and watched as Alex, Kristie, and Abby turned to look at her in surprise; taken aback, Kelley turned to Tom as if she had heard wrong.

“What? I thought you said forwards—”

“I did. You’re on this side,” Tom replied stoically.

Alex did a quick headcount. “Then it would be seven strikers on nine defenders,” she pointed out, “With Kelley here, it would be eight on eight.”

“I know. O’Hara, let’s go.”

Kelley cast a quick glance at her bewildered attacking teammates and shrugged before jogging over to Tom and exchanging her orange jersey for a blue.

The group of defenders she joined—Amy, Becky, Rachel, Whit, Ali, and Cat—looked just as confused at her arrival as the attacking group had but they made no objection. Tom seemed oblivious to it as the group huddled around him.

“Alright, ladies,” he said. “The season is winding down so we’re just looking to experiment with some new defensive game-plans today. We’re looking at a stronger wing presence and more attacking on the flanks, keeping the ball out of the middle on defense, especially in light of recent events. Whitney, we’ll be moving you out to the flank—”

Becky interrupted him with the question on everyone’s lips: “What recent events?”

Tom hesitated. “There’s...been a little change-up in our recruits. The field players are still locked in, but due to grade issues with NCAA, we lost an upcoming defender and a keeper. So we’re readjusting the gameplan—”

“Wait, what are we going to do for a keeper?” Rachel asked. The defense, stretched for numbers already, was one thing, but the lack of a keeper was an unforeseen blow.

“We’ll be fine,” he reassured them, “We have ways of dealing with it. For now, we’re just going to work on these alternate defenses. Don’t worry.”

Tom finished giving them their positions and the game plan with a firmness of tone that discouraged any further questions or dissent, but the looks of concern on the players’ faces were clear. When he sent Kelley to the left back spot, she wandered towards it in something of a daze.

“Defense, Kell?” It was Heather, jogging over. She and Lauren were the two midfielders playing with the defenders, against the attacking team.

“I guess,” Kelley said with a shrug. She was still trying to accept the fact that she’d been placed on the back line and spoke in a monotone. “It’s weird. But he’s running a new game plan because the upcoming freshman keeper bailed on us.”

“What do you mean, ‘bailed on us?’”

“She’s not coming here next year.”

Heather stopped short. “Are…are you serious? Who are we supposed to put back there?”

Kelley cast a pointed glance over at the interim keeper. When she realized what that meant, a shadow crossed Heather’s face.

“Dude. She’s sweet, but she can’t stand up to the other division one teams… _Fuck,”_ she hissed. “This is going to be a bitch of a season.”

“I know,” Kelley said, unable to even muster a sense of optimism.

“Well, just work your ass off back here,” HAO said, at a loss. “If you’re in defense, we’re going to have to count on you, Kell.” She gave Kelley a quick rap on the shoulder and headed back into her own position for the kick-off.

_They’re counting on me._

As strange as it felt to begin the scrimmage on the back line, Kelley tried to relax and let her instincts take over. She had run against defenders all her life and she knew what made them hard to beat. _Keep your feet moving,_ she thought to herself as Alex came at her, down the right sideline and Kelley backpedaled to keep her in front. Just as the forward came within range, she dumped the ball inside and sprinted forward as Kelley turned to try to intercept the ball.

Her legs weren’t long enough and her step was too slow—Christen tapped the ball back outside to Alex, five yards past Kelley, who had no chance to turn and catch up.

It happened again, and again. When it came to one on ones, Kelley could hold her ground and fly in for the tackle, sending the ball back upfield more often than not, but the positioning requirements left her head spinning. She was caught flat-footed, or too far up the line, or too far outside nearly every time. The talented attacking squad ripped through these seams.

After the third time Alex sprinted up the wing and Kelley’s feet got tangled as she tried to turn to keep up—she tripped and crashed to the ground, hard—she heard Tom’s voice from the sidelines. “Kelley!” It didn’t carry the authoritarian tone of a coach giving instructions. “Kelley, come on off. Amy, slide out to left back.”

In that moment, Kelley wished the ground could have swallowed her; every muscle in her body pulsed with disappointment as she levered herself up from the ground and made the slow jog of shame to the sideline. She only raised her eyes when she reached Tom. He simply nodded to the bench behind him where the rest of the staff sat watching, muttering amongst themselves.

“Just take a seat, O’Hara,” Tom said, “We’ll get after it next practice.”

* * *

When Kelley settled into her kinesiology class an hour later, her first thought was to text one of the girls: Ali, Becky, even Ashlyn could provide a wealth of defensive experience, and they were old enough to give quality advice in general. Only her pride prevented her from immediately pulling out her phone as she tried to put together her thoughts.

Her second thought was a reminder to breathe. _You’re still playing soccer. It’s just the opposite side of the field now._ She tried to review the instructions Tom had given her during the scrimmage, the plays, where the ball should go in which situation, and came up with nothing but instant replays of her mistakes.

“You’re work ethic is what will make the difference here, Kelley,” Tom had told her after the third time she’d been caught out of position.

Her third thought, and the one that prevailed for the time being, was that she had just been handed her biomechanics quiz and she couldn’t afford to fail it. _Focus._ _At least try to focus._

Her mind buzzed, all static electricity as she finished the quiz without thought or hesitation, and she turned it in without so much as a smile at Hope.

The remained of the class Kelley killed on her phone or scribbling formations in her notebook. A true return to her usual habits, but she didn’t care. There were more important things than learning about types of gaits.

_Whit, Becks, Bue, Amy—_ she put a question mark next to the final name, as Amy had been plagued by injuries the past season—No matter how she worked it, the fact remained that they needed bodies on the defense. If she wanted to play, it would have to be in the back. If she wanted to play in the back…well, her only option was to train. To restart the uphill battle she had been fighting since the end of last season, change up everything she had learned.

An hour passed and it wasn’t until her classmates stood up around her that Kelley realized, though her haze of worried introspection, that class had ended. Her limbs suddenly deadened with exhaustion. Standing and slinging her bag over her shoulder, Kelley headed out the door and into the hallway, dreaming of the darkness of her room and the comfort of sleep. Just a few hours of bliss.

“Hey.” A strong hand caught her upper arm and gently pulled her back before Kelley could even register someone was speaking to her. Kelley turned to find Hope. “What’s going on?” Hope asked.

Her voice wasn’t curious or confused; instead, Hope emanated concern, from the tightness of her jaw to her soft grip on Kelley’s arm, which she didn’t release, as if the younger girl was a flight risk. Kelley found the contact comforting, but she stared back blankly, unmoved.

 “Nothing.” She couldn’t find the words and she didn’t want to. She just wanted out of that hallway.

“Don’t give me that. You were out of it all class; what happened?” Hope raked her eyes over Kelley’s face as if the freckles, standing out against paler-than-usual skin, would spell out the answer.

Kelley shrugged and Hope’s arm fell away. The hallway had emptied now and the silence between them seemed particularly thunderous. But perhaps Hope really could read her face, or perhaps she just noticed the way Kelley anxiously readjusted the grip on her purple and black WCU Women’s soccer bag, slung over one shoulder: Kelley watched Hope’s eyes cloud over and her sigh finally broke the silence.

“Soccer, isn’t it?” It was less of a question and more of a confirmation.

“I don’t…” Kelley sighed as well. “Yeah. Yeah, bad day at practice. It sucked. I have such a headache right now.”

Hope nodded, then hesitated. “…have you eaten?”

Kelley shook her head.

“C’mon, then, I owe you.” Hope checked over her shoulder at the open door of the kinesiology classroom, and, seeing no one, laid her hand on the dip between Kelley’s shoulder blades and began guiding her towards the door.

* * *

After two slices of pizza and the promise of more, Hope had worked the problem out of her. As Kelley had admitted the new defensive plan and the sudden limbo into which it threw her soccer future, she had shrunk down in her chair, as if her problem weren’t actually worth the level of Hope’s concern. It certainly didn’t seem like a big deal now that she said it aloud.

But the older girl never once wavered in her attention and only once Kelley had fallen silent did Hope even move.

“So, defense….” She said slowly, “You’ve never been there before, and he just threw you back there, just like that?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know why?”

“He said he likes my work ethic,” she said with a shrug, half-heartedly considering a third piece of pizza.

If she had had any capacity to be amused at the moment, she would have laughed at the fact that this was the same restaurant she always took Alex to whenever Alex suffered some form of heartache. Now, someone was doing the same for her.

Hope snorted and shook her head. “Asshole coaches. Can’t stand ‘em.”

Kelley gave a weak smile from Hope’s benefit. “Yeah. He did what he had to do, though, with the situation and all.”

“Ah. Still, though, if you’re more comfortable in one position, throwing you to the wolves isn’t going to suddenly make you comfortable in another.”

“I have to help my team…”

A flash of an idea flickered into Kelley’s mind, so fresh and impulsive that she couldn’t even fully consider it before it faded away again, as she watched Hope pull another slice of pizza towards herself.

“So what are you going to do now?” Hope asked. “Where’s your head at?”

“I don’t know. I just want food and a nap. Maybe a few days of napping.”

Hope nodded and pushed the rest of the food Kelley’s direction, and the two fell into silence. It had happened several times: without their usual banter or a book to distract them, the interaction just felt strange. Out of place.

_Soccer first. She’s in a different world than you. Get your priorities straight._

“If it makes you feel any better,” Hope spoke up suddenly, “You got a perfect score on your quiz today. I graded it in class.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Just like you said you would, so I guess, had we bet on it, you would have won. And I’m buying lunch, so it fits.” Seeing the first real smile on Kelley’s face since they had sat down, Hope beamed as well. “Does that make you feel better?”

“A little bit,” Kelley said with a nod. “Definitely a little bit.”

“Well, it was without a doubt the hardest quiz you’ll take in the entire class, and we’re not learning anything new before finals. You know what that means, right?”

“That I’m a genius?”

“It means you don’t have to come to the study sessions anymore, since you’re understanding everything.” She laughed, slightly, before her eyes glinted. “Guess I’m not distracting you anymore.”

Kelley’s stomach flipped, but she managed a cool smile. “Maybe I’ve just gotten better at dealing with it.”

She was certainly getting better at this whole interaction thing.

“Well, congratulations then,” Hope replied.

Kelley bowed her head in acknowledgement, then grinned. “It was a hard battle. But you really think I shouldn’t go to the study sessions anymore?”

“They’re a waste of your time,” Hope said with a shrug. “You’ve got it figured out. You and I can meet periodically, like we have been, and go over stuff, if you want. But skip out on the group sessions.”

“Deal. If you’re telling the truth and not just trying to get rid of me, I might even start springing for something better than campus food when we go out.”

Hope laughed. “Are you bribing me?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, deal.”

Kelley finally began breathing easy again and Hope knew she had succeeded as they finished up their pizza. “You did save me in that class,” Kelley pointed out, a few minutes later. “I could help you out with any science stuff, engineering, whatever you’re taking, to pay you back.”

“Had you offered that to me two years ago, I probably would have said yes,” Hope said, “But I only have one semester left, I’m taking minimum units, all electives.”

It had only been a half-baked idea anyway, a frivolous offer; Kelley dropped her gaze and found the scar on Hope’s arm, just like she had two weeks ago.

It was hard to imagine getting such an injury from an innocent soccer game.

Suddenly, the idea from earlier flashed into her mind, fully-formed, and illuminated the darkness of Kelley’s self-doubts and worries.

It was risky, but it was a way out.

“You played soccer,” she blurted out, “You were a keeper.”

“Yes…” Hope’s brow furrowed.

“You’ve got eligibility left. And you’ll be here next year.”

 “Wait—”

“Hope.”

They arrived at the same conclusion at the same time, Kelley shining with the magic of opportunity and Hope shaking her head.

“No,” she said simply. “I’m sorry, but no.”

“Hope, we need a keeper,” Kelley pressed, desperately, “And you could save us.”

“No, I can’t. I already told you.”

“Why not?”

A cord in Hope’s jaw bulged but Kelley didn’t lessen the intensity of her gaze; her heart hammered as if she were facing the barrel of a gun, instead of an old keeper. A light had suddenly burst through the clouds and she prayed it wouldn’t vanish again.

Hope apparently won her fight for self-control, the muscles in her neck relaxing as she said, “Kelley, it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry.” Her eyes flashed apologetic for a moment but her face was stoic enough to make Kelley sit back in her chair petulantly.

Different questions roared in her mind: _Why not? What’s wrong? What happened before? Why can’t you help me?_

Hope clearly knew an interrogation was a heartbeat away; she cast her eyes out over the restaurant, filling up with more people now that the school day was ending, and then glanced at their empty plates. She needed an escape.

“Do you want some coffee, or anything?” she tried, diplomatically. “Do you need anything?”

If Hope wouldn’t so much as give her an explanation, Kelley had no chance of swaying her opinion on playing; the same exhaustion from earlier took over again.

“That sounds great but I think I’m just going to get going, I want to get home to my bed.”

Hope looked at her with her lips pursed. “C’mon. Let’s go down to the café and then I’ll drive you home.”

“Are you sure?” she asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I got you.”

“It’s not far, I can walk—”

 “Kelley, I’m driving you home,” Hope repeated firmly, as if it she felt the need to give a consolation prize for shooting Kelley down. “And I’m grabbing two coffees first, so you’re coming with me and I expect you to take one.”

* * *

“So, are you nervous for you meeting with Tom next week?” Abby asked, leaning back in her chair.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered truthfully. “I’ve never had a season review meeting before, with any coach, and Tom is so—”

“New,” Abby finished for her. “I know. Do you want another coffee, by the way?”

“I’m okay, I don’t have to study tonight so I’m going to bed early.”

“Good,” Abby replied with a grin, “Get enough sleep for the both of us, I’ll be in the library all night. But anyway. Don’t worry about your meeting. Tom’s a good guy. He’ll just discuss how you did this season and what he expects for next season. And trust me, Al, you had a stellar year.”

“Because of you,” Alex said.

“If you’re not going to take credit, it’s at least because we had a good team.” Abby laughed easily even as Alex failed to fake a smile—the older girl was well aware of the fact that Alex was dreading both the upcoming season and Abby’s graduation, and as the captain with years and years of experience behind her, all she could do was laugh at Alex’s misgivings. They were just so mistaken.

“Look, Alex. I know it’s not the ideal situation, next year. But you’re the kind of player that’s going to have to stand tall and carry your teammates through it. You have to be that beacon. You already broke my freshman year record and you damn near beat Mia’s.”

Pride at being compared to Abby’s old mentor, Mia, flickered though Alex’s blue eyes.

“By the time you graduate,” Abby continued, “You could hold every record in this place. And probably in the state, too, or beyond. But it’s going to take a solid team to get you there, and you’re going to have to take them with you. Next season, you guys need to hold tight, stay focused, stay together, not turn on each other. And you need to lead them through the storm, Al. You’re the one they’ll look to, you and Becky.”

A solemn look eclipsed Alex’s pride and she nodded slowly. Abby had hinted at this sort of thing, about Alex’s role, for weeks now but this was the first time she had out and said it. Alex had a duty to her team.

“I got it,” she told Abby. “I’ll take care of my girls, we’ll get through it. I wish you were staying local, though.”

“I’ve got too many nieces and nephews back east now,” Abby said, breaking into a grin, “But I’ll come visit, maybe catch a few games. I’ll definitely come back for the alumni game.”

“You’re going to fly three thousand miles just to lose a game?” Alex teased. “I’m honored.”

Abby shrugged. “We’ve got a lot of old players coming back next year, a lot of the old championship team. You young guns will have an uphill battle.”

“We’ll see.” Alex flashed a cocky smile over the top of her cup—it completely belied her angst of just a moment before—then finished the rest of her coffee. Abby finished hers as well and the two stood up.

“I will miss you buying my coffees though,” Alex said as they headed for the door. “A free coffee every few weeks was always nice.”

“Senior-freshman protocol,” Abby said with a laugh. “When you’re a senior, you’ll pick up a freshman player and take her out for coffee and war councils. Mia did the same with me.

Alex grinned over her shoulder and reached for the front door of the campus coffee shop—but before she could touch the handle, the door swung open from the outside.

“Kelley!”

Alex’s whole face lit up as she found herself face-to-face with her roommate, who had bailed out of the locker room earlier before they had had a chance to speak. Kelley looked alright, bright enough, so Alex didn’t immediately worry.

“Alex!” Kelley replied in surprise. “What’s up, what are you doing here?”

“Coffee, with Abby…” Alex gestured over her shoulder at Abby, but instead of elaborating, her gaze drifted past Kelley and her delight doubled when she saw the girl standing behind her roommate. “And you must be Hope, right? Kelley’s kines tutor?”

Hope, standing tall with her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets, took a moment to answer; her gaze switched from Abby to Alex with a look of surprise as if she hadn’t noticed the younger girl whatsoever.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m Hope.”

“I’m Alex, Kelley’s roommate. Nice to finally meet you.”

Hope gave a small smile and nod. “Nice to meet you too.” Her eyes flicked over to Abby again, and she kept her hands in her pockets.

No one moved. A silence descended on the four of them as they stood in the open doorway. Alex grinned widely, ecstatic that she had finally caught Kelley with Hope (who was just as intimidatingly attractive as Kelley had led her to believe) and oblivious to the way that Hope and Abby regarded one another, as if each was expecting the other to lash out.

Kelley, however, remembered what Becky had told her about keeping Hope’s name out of the seniors’ ears. Now, here she was, parading Hope around in front of the senior captain herself. Her stomach plummeted.

The silence endured for another few seconds that seemed like minutes to Kelley, who was trying unsuccessfully to read Abby’s face. Alex seemed to finally pick up on the tension; just as she opened her mouth and began to introduce Abby, Hope spoke up.

“Well, we’re running a little late, we’re just going to grab our coffees and go.” She looked to Kelley, who quickly picked up on it.

“Yeah,” Kelley said with a vigorous nod, desperate to get away, “Lex, I’ll see you back home in a little while.”

Hope was already shuffling Kelley past the two other girls. Alex managed a quick goodbye before she found herself also being herded out the door by Abby. Once the door swung shut on WCU’s top strikers, Kelley heaved a sigh of relief and looked up into Hope’s face for any story behind the tension that had creased it just moments before.

There was nothing. When Hope caught her staring, she smiled at her.

“So what am I buying for you?” she asked simply.

Kelley still didn’t have the answers that she wanted, but, remembering the look on Hope’s face when she saw Abby, she didn’t push it. Hope bought them their coffees and they headed out the door without any further conversation.

Hope’s truck pulled up to the front of Kelley’s dorm a few minutes later; she left it idling at the curb and Kelley hurried to pull open the door and say goodbye. She found it locked.

“Kelley.” Kelley’s hand froze on the handle and she looked back to see that Hope’s face had regained the softness that the coffee-shop encounter had taken away. “I know you’re not going to the study sessions anymore, but if you ever have a bad day like this or something happens at soccer, or anything, go ahead and text me. I’ve been there, it’s nice to have someone to call.”

“Thanks, Hope.”                                                                      

Hope nodded and unlocked the door.


	4. Chapter 4

The sound of the waves and the warmth if the sand beneath her had lulled Alex into a state of semi-consciousness that the ringing of her phone could hardly break through. She opened one eye and shielded the screen from the glare of the sun to read Abby's text.

**Abby: So I never asked, what’s going on with Kelley and Hope? The coffee shop girl**

**Alex: She’s kelley’s kines study group leader, Kelley’s got a huge crush but she hasn’t done anything, she’s pretty sure Hope’s straight**

**Abby: they go out for coffee a lot like that?**

**Alex: I guess. The other day it was lunch. Whyy?**

**Abby: Just curious. I have to look out for you freshmen, you know**

**Alex: haha sounds good**

She silenced the phone and stashed it out of sight, because every minute she spent texting even Abby meant one less minute she spent enjoying the beach life inherent in their Southern California college culture. The beach was dotted with groups of students soaking up their last free weekend before end of the year chaos truly began. They had just three weeks before finals began.

"Alex, get up!" came the joyful voice of Christen, and Alex focused her gaze on the group nearest her: her teammates, involved in some sort asinine relay game. "We're in training, get up!"

"I'm sitting out whatever you're doing, since I put the team on my back for volleyball!”

Even from twenty yards away, she could see half of the girls turn to glare at her— _as if it’s my fault they have zero upper body coordination—_ and laughter bubbled up in her chest as she rolled over and tried to ignore them.

"Kelley, go grab your roommate!" someone called.

“I’m not getting up,” Alex told her as soon as she heard Kelley’s approaching footsteps on the sand, but instead of an immediate reply, she instead heard the sound of Kelley’s body dropping to the towel next to her.

“Good,” Kelley said with a shrug, “I’ve been trying to get away from the relay race for the past ten minutes, I need to work on my tan like you and Kristie.”

“Ha! Good luck, Ireland,” Kristie mumbled, from Alex’s other side.

The three girls adjusted themselves more comfortably on the towels. Kristie went back to sleep, and Alex and Kelley rolled over to watch their friends: A few girls stood at the edge of the water, toeing the waves and taking pictures together, but the main group that had come to the beach that day chased each other in a wheelbarrow-type relay race, under the critical eyes of Becky and Heather.

“They’re really set on us winning next year, aren’t they?” Alex asked, as Lauren faceplanted into the sand and Heather instantly urged her up.

“I think it’s less about winning, and more about beating basketball, since we haven’t done it in so long.”

“Well, Kristie and I killed it in beach volleyball, you’re getting better at surfing—”

“And my recently developed talent for kegstands,” Kelley added.

“Right,” Alex agreed, “We’ll be in mid-preseason then, too, so we’ll be in great shape. There’s no way we’re losing this year.”

Every year, all the college athletes at West Coast hosted a beach party that featured an Olympic style tournament, with the different sports teams taking part in events that varied from kegstands to relay races to surfing to flag football, all for the enjoyment of the general public. Annually, women’s basketball took the top spot on the women’s side, and the soccer team would have it no more—even if it meant practicing through the summer.

Kristie groaned finally, after Alex and Kelley spent a few more minutes discussing next summer’s event. “You are both so overcompetitive. The entire point of the Labor Day party is to get drunk and look hot, and for the men’s teams to pick up girls.”

 “We’re still winning it, though,” Alex said with a shrug.

“Of course we are,” Kristie replied, “We just have to remember the point of it while kicking everyone’s ass.”

Kelley closed her eyes. “Get drunk and look good,” she murmured, “I love college.”

The roar of the surf replaced their voices and Alex let her mind wander as she drifted back towards sleep. The beach. Summer. Spending time at home, back with her family, coming back to school in July, a few weeks before preseason began in August. The new players coming in. The seniors graduating. Abby. Carli. Ali. Ash.

Wait. Abby.

 “Hey, Kell.”

“Mmm…what?” Kelley asked in the sleep-heavy voice of someone on the verge of unconsciousness. She squinted at Alex beneath the glare of the sun.

Alex kept her voice low, in case Kristie, tanning behind her, decided to listen in. “I just wanted to ask…um, Abby just texted me to ask about Hope.”

Kelley bit the inside of her cheek.

“She wanted to know if there was anything going on between you and her,” Alex pressed.

“Hmm.”

“Do you know why she was asking?”

_How should I know?_ Had it been anyone else, Kelley wouldn’t have hesitated to lie and duck the question. But since the day that they had met, they had always been open with each other, and Kelley had no desire to let a crush get in the way of that. She sighed and admitted what she knew.

“I guess…I guess Hope and Abby know each other, and they aren’t on the best terms. Hope used to play on the team, something happened, she quit, and now she’s not really… _good_ with any of the seniors.”

Farther down the beach, Christen shouted something about the waves and Kelley and Alex quickly looked towards the water, but Christen was only pointing out a surfer to Heather. Kelley continued, “Becky told me to keep Hope a secret, sort of. Not that there’s anything to keep a secret, but…I don’t know. You saw how they looked at each other at the coffee shop the other day.”

Alex had thought she was imagining the tension; now it made sense why Abby wouldn’t talk to her about Hope. Something had happened to remove Hope from this team, something that pitted her against Abby, and against the rest of the seniors…and this was the girl Kelley had a crush on? She remembered how cold Hope’s blue eyes had been and her jaw tightened.

“And you don’t know what happened between them all? Hope didn’t tell you?”

Kelley, scanning the waves, shook her head.

_Another bad sign._ “Are you going to see her anytime soon?”

“She told me to stop going to the study sessions,” Kelley said, “So I guess I’ll see in her class, maybe, but we never talk when I see her there.”

“Good.”

Kelley turned abruptly to face Alex, lines creasing her brow. “Good?” she repeated in surprise. “Why is that a good thing?”

Alex shrugged, pushing her palms into the sand. “I just…think that if something bad went down and you don’t know about it, maybe she’s not the best person to be hanging around.”

“It’s not—”

“Hey, freshmen!”

Like trained dogs, Kelley, Alex, and Kristie instantly sat up to see Heather standing at the water’s edge, hands planted on her hips and a smirk playing across her face. “Get up!” she bellowed, “We’re building sandcastles!”

“We are a team of five year old girls,” Alex hissed as she levered herself to her feet—but neither Kelley nor Kristie heard her, as they had already jumped up and raced down to the water.

* * *

Humming the rhythm of some pop song that had been playing in the gym earlier, Abby drummed her fingers on the steering wheel of her parked car as she stared at the apartment building in front of her. This was the moment she had been working towards all morning—she had gotten up early, finished the final essay of her college career, and even worked out—and yet, the impending conversation had hung over her like a cloud since the moment her alarm had gone off. Now she sat in her car and tried to decide the best way to go about it.

There really wasn’t one.

The door swung open on the second knock. Hope’s eyes, still sleepy, widened with surprise for a half-second before she adopted the same stoicism she’d worn two days before, in the coffee shop, and she leaned against the door frame with her arms across her chest.

“Abby.”

“Hi,” Abby said, meeting Hope’s gaze with firmness. “How are you?”

“Tired. It’s eight in the morning.”

“Yeah, sorry I came by so early. I was up finishing some stuff for graduation. So…” She glanced past Hope to the interior of the small apartment. “Just a studio apartment, then?”

Even as Abby looked past her, Hope didn’t move from her position against the doorframe to invite her in.

“Yeah. It’s been relaxing, living alone, not having any responsibilities to anyone. Anyway.” She tilted her head toward Abby to ask silently the next obvious question: _And what are you doing on my doorstep at eight AM on a Saturday?_

“Yeah. Yeah, anyway, Carli gave me your address. I decided to swing by now because I have a game later and I can’t do it then.”

“Do what?” Hope asked, turning impatient. _Get to the point._

Abby had struggled over this point of the conversation all morning. “I need to talk to you about Kelley.”

“Kelley.”

“My teammate. The freshman.” Abby knew she didn’t need to add _O’Hara_ and fell silent.

Hope maintained an impossibly cool façade. “What, her roommate didn’t tell you anything? Alex?”

“Alex didn’t tell me anything.”

“Exactly.”

Abby had never faltered under Hope’s glower, and she didn’t now, standing tall and losing her traces of patience. “What are you talking about? I’m just—”

“ _C’mon_ , Abby: I knew you and Mia. I know it’s the same thing now. If there was anything to tell, Alex would have told you. But there isn’t, so there’s no reason for you to be here.”

“Alex didn’t tell me anything,” Abby fired back, “but even if she had told me Kelley’s side, she doesn’t know your perspective, and that’s why I’m here. O’Hara is one of my players and I’m looking out for her.”

“ _Abby_.” Hope ground her teeth before continuing, taking a deep breath. She hadn’t butted heads with Abby the Intrepid Leader in nearly four years, but time doesn’t make mixing fire and gasoline any less volatile. “Abby, I’m her tutor, barely. I lead group study sessions that she attends. Or, used to attend. You don’t have to look out for her. More than that, does she know you’re doing this? She’s a smart girl who can make her own decisions.”

Her diplomacy returned as Abby too remembered just how difficult it had been to argue with Hope. “She’s also a young girl who barely has a year of college under her belt,” she pressed, more serious than before. “She’s a good kid, but she’s been shaky on the field, she doesn’t need someone to rock the boat more. She needs stability, not—”

“Rock the boat? I’m—”

Abby had to raise her voice over Hope’s immediate protest. “Just don’t go with your usual MO with this girl, okay? That’s all I’m saying.”

Hope pulled her head back. “Fine.”

“I—Wait, fine?” Abby asked in surprise.

Hope shrugged, looking worn, and repeated herself: “Fine, Abby. You have nothing to worry about. Good?”

“Good.” Abby nodded but her voice sounded just as tired as Hope looked. The truce agreed upon, however tentatively, Hope began to close the door; a last word from Abby stopped her.

“Wait. About freshman year…it should have never ended up that way.”

She didn’t quite know how to feel when she saw Hope’s jaw tighten and pain flash through her eyes, but guilt immediately flooded through her when Hope replaced the pain with an icy stare. No one should have to be that good at hiding emotions. Hope had it down to an art.

“It’s fine. We’re past it, clearly. Three and a half years is a long time.”

Abby knew that was a lie. “I made the wrong call and sided with the wrong people. Everyone involved made a lot of mistakes that year, and if I could go back, I would change it. Can we try to move past it?”

They had already formed one truce. To try for another was a wild shot in the dark.

Silence formed a wall between them and the two women regarded each other as they had a few days before, in the entrance of the coffee shop—like rival predators. Hope raised her chin with all the nobility of a queen.

“Congratulations on graduating, Abby,” she said coolly. “And good luck in your final game.”

There was no response as the door swung shut.

* * *

Chest heaving, Kelley fell onto the empty spot on the bench next to Kristie, anxious and jittery and somehow relieved all at the same time. She had just come off the field in the seventy-second minute of the last game of the year, her first as a defender—thirty minutes on the backline without any major mistakes, and yet she felt restless, tensed like a rubber band ready to snap.

She was far too jumpy to sit still until Kristie huffed and handed her a bottle of water so that Kelley could put all of her energy into fidgeting with the cap.

This sport was an emotional one; she supposed that was what drew her to it, drew all of them to it. A stage drama, the ups and downs of life compressed into ninety minutes. Only on the field could she simultaneously experience the feelings of loss and joy, of freedom, creativity, pain, anger, exhaustion, elation, and throwing herself into this organized chaos was what Kelley did best, working until she had given all she had to give and the lack of oxygen in her lungs suffocated the fire burning in her chest. She couldn’t imagine a better feeling and she had been addicted since she was seven years old.

Her thirty minutes of playing time, however, was a cruel sort of punishment. Just enough to give her a taste of that chaos and passion, but not enough for her to exhaust that fire. As relieved as she may have been to be off the field and be free of the pressure of defense, Kelley knew she had more to give, more to burn, and now as she looked around the room with her muscles itching to be tested and her mind replaying every step of her time on the field, all she wanted to do was run.

Jealously simmered low in her stomach as she watched Alex tear past them up the flank and drop in a cross for Abby, which the senior captain nodded over the crossbar. The small crowd roared its dissatisfaction: the home team was losing 3-1, with less than ten minutes to go.

Next to her, Kristie bumped their knees together to get Kelley’s attention. “How did you feel back there?”

“I have no idea,” Kelley answered truthfully, her heart still pounding. If there was a word for the tightness in her stomach, she hadn’t yet learned it.

“You did good. Alex almost scored off one of your crosses,” Kristie offered. “And Cat was talking to me on the bench about how you’ll be good on the backline for us next year.”

Kelley nodded with a small murmur of thanks and forced herself to settle deeper into her seat to watch the rest of the game. She hated the view from the bench, and even the second-hand compliment from the heart of their defense couldn’t ease that pain.

* * *

The air in the locker room after the loss seemed thicker somehow, heavier, as the players dressed with deliberate slowness: some girls hugged each other, whispered things to one another as the seniors stood on benches and made speeches to the squad. Still others simply sat quietly, looking around the room for the last time.

“It was a hell of a year,” Abby announced over the heads of her teammates, commanding attention because of her confident authority as well as her stature. “I know I speak for all of the seniors when I say it was a fantastic last year for us, and we have every one of our teammates to thank for that. We can’t imagine a better  group to carry on the legacy.”

Kelley, sitting at the back of the group, listened for a moment before glancing back down at her phone.

**Kelley: hey, what’s up? I didn’t have the best game, kinda need someone to talk to**

She frowned at the text before sending it, then erased it. Hope had offered casual friendship—if it could even be called that—not babysitting services. One pathetic scene over pizza was enough. She chewed the inside of her cheek and tried again as Abby continued her speech at the front of the room.

**Kelley: What’s up, Solo? how has your weekend been?**

Somehow, that didn’t work either, so she erased once more and typed out a third draft—but before she even seriously considered it, Kelley hesitated. Maybe she shouldn’t be doing this at all. Like she had been half-heartedly telling herself for the past few days, she had bigger things to worry about than Hope Solo. She had to study, she had to practice, she had her own life to live. Her world and Hope’s weren’t exactly on a collision course.

“Hey, Kelley.”

Kelley glanced up from her phone to find that not only had Abby finished speaking, but Cat Reddick stood over her, smiling. Cat was the heart of the defense, a graduating senior, and Becky, her successor, stood next to her.

Plastering a smile on her face, Kelley hastily pressed ‘send’ and pushed her phone out of sight.

“Oh my god, Reddick, you know my name,” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. “Alex owes me twenty bucks. I thought you thought my parents had just named me O’Hara.”

Becky began to laugh and Cat allowed herself to give a wry grin. “Funny. You were a freshman forward, I’m a senior defender, it was…”

“Veteran etiquette,” Becky supplied.

“Exactly.”

Past Becky and Cat, Kelley saw this upperclassmen-underclassmen etiquette manifesting itself much more cordially: Abby and Alex stood deep in conversation, Shannon and Carli had collected the remaining midfielders for some sort of powwow, and Ali and Ashlyn examined the scar on Adrianna’s newly repaired knee. None of it felt quite so formal as Cat’s attitude now.

“So I’m assuming if you are using my real name, you have something important to tell me?” Kelley lead. “Some great wisdom to pass on?”

Cat nodded, looking to Becky. “This team is going to have to rely on you, O’Hara…Kelley,” she revised. “We lead the game from the back, we call the shots. I know it’s a lot to learn in a short amount of time, but as stretched as we are, you’re going to have to get it. And more importantly, you’re going to have to pass on the traditions of the back line to the incoming freshmen defenders. There aren’t many of them, so they’ll have to learn as soon as possible.”

Kelley nodded, unsure of what to say.

“You’re going to instrumental in maintaining this team’s winning tradition, you know that, right?” Cat said.

“Right.”

“Good. Just follow Becky’s lead next year. We’re counting on you, Kelley.”

After successfully enduring an awkward hug with a teammate she hadn’t really gotten to know as well as everyone else, Kelley took leave of Cat and Becky and scurried out of the main group. The last thing she wanted to be reminded of was next year, as ambiguous and ominous as it seemed. She settled onto a bench and pulled out her phone once more. re-reading the text she had sent to Hope before Cat had come over to talk.

**Kelley: hey, what’s up? I just wrapped up my game, I was wondering if you’re busy tonight or tomorrow.**

There was no response. She wasn’t sure if the coolness that washed over her was relief or disappointment.

* * *

Being the penultimate event of the school year, the end of their season shocked the girls into the realization that the only thing now standing between them and the freedom of summer was the looming cloud of final exams. Most of the soccer team spent all of Saturday and most of Sunday in a frenzy of responsibility, lounging around Rachel, Amy, and Becky’s house, wearing pajamas and studying everything from engineering to theology. They pitched in cash for pizza and takeout and had a small feast. Occasionally, a few antsy players would retreat to the street outside and burn some energy by knocking the ball around, but Kelley, of all people, stayed the most focused; when she wasn’t rehearsing for her upcoming summer job interviews, she had Alex’s head in her lap, Hope’s kinesiology study cheat sheet in her hands, and big plans to gloat about her inevitable perfect score on the upcoming kinesiology final.

It wasn’t, of course, complete mental isolation: two months ago she would have been able to block out the world and focus on nothing but her studies, if she really wanted to. But given that the notes she read from were written in Hope’s neat scrawl, she couldn’t completely shake the older girl from her mind.

_Gastrocnemius contraction results in Achilles tendon tension, resulting in plantarflexion… “You’re a bright girl, you’ll get this stuff, I promise”…Extensor digitorum longus counteracts the actions of the gastronemius and soleus, resulting in dorsiflexion and relaxation of the Achilles tendon… Hope tracing Kelley’s fingers over the roughness of her forearm scar… Inversion, eversion, Hope’s blue eyes…_

“Shit.” She’d lasted a full six hours of studying, at the very least; she figured that was enough for a little reward, and reached for her phone.

* * *

In the silence of her small apartment, Hope’s phone blared out from the coffee table, jarring her awake from her nap on the couch. She had passed out after her workout without even pulling off her cleats. Rolling over, she grabbed the phone and read the text:

**Kelley: fuck this stupid subject and everything about it. How’s the TA life?**

Hope stared at the screen until it went dark and made her decision for her; she dropped her phone to the floor, kicked off her cleats, and rolled back over with a sigh.


	5. Chapter 5

“What do you think they’re going to ask me?”

Alex watched her roommate from her bed as Kelley finished dusting makeup onto her cheeks in the mirror. “I don’t know,” Alex said with a shrug, “What your goals are. Where you see yourself in ten years. What you’ll contribute to the company.”

She rolled her eyes at Alex. “They’re interviews at chain restaurants, not banks.”

“Then they’ll ask you about your ability to balance a lot of plates?”

“You’re no help.”

“Relax,” Alex replied, softening her voice to break down Kelley’s wall of nervousness. “You’ll do great, Kell. They’ll love you.”

Kelley relented, giving her friend a soft smile before returning to the mirror to fix a few stray hairs along the crown of her head, too flustered to notice Alex studying her.

Their interrupted conversation about Hope days before at the beach had left Alex with questions burning in her throat, especially because Kelley had seemed so reluctant to talk. It was the first time her roommate had ever been guarded about something. Unsure of how to proceed, she had spent the weekend watching Kelley for any sign of weakness, of distraction, so that she could leap forward and pull Kelley out of the hole she was digging herself.

But when Kelley finished in the mirror and turned to face her, her bright smile betrayed no uncertainty and Alex hastened to match her. “Thanks, dude. I’ll see you tonight, right?”

Alex shook her head. “I’m staying over at Serv’s tonight, we have a project in our business class so we’re trying to knock it out. Probably tomorrow night too.”

The twinkle in Kelley’s eye betrayed the joke she wouldn’t say aloud. “Got it. Well, it’s going to be a rough, busy week. Good luck, Al.”

“Good luck to you, too. Text me about the jobs later, okay?”

“Yes ma’am.”

* * *

“Busy” turned out to be a gross understatement: over two days, Kelley had four job interviews—three restaurants and a bar downtown—between suffering through classes taught by draconian professors and spending hours in the library working on group projects. She ate all of her meals out of to-go boxes, stared at her British Lit essay until the words swam on the page, and even flaked on her gym date with Christen and Alex for the first time since last fall. She considered it a blessing that Hope had encouraged her to blow off the usual kinesiology study sessions.

By Tuesday afternoon, sleep deprived and chest deep in the English essay she just couldn’t seem to finish, Kelley considered skipping her afternoon kinesiology class as well. _A nap sounds so much better_. Then she glanced at her phone to remind herself, yet again, that Hope hadn’t responded to any of the messages Kelley had sent her in over a week.

Maybe it would be worth it to see that face.

Only when she sat down in class did she notice a different teacher’s assistant seated at the front of the class. The professor offered no explanation for Hope’s absence, probably because Kelley was the only one who would have noticed, let alone cared.

For the first time in a while, it was difficult to focus in kinesiology.

* * *

Alex hadn’t lied when she had said she wouldn’t be home and Kelley spent the night alone with the dorm to herself again, but it wasn’t the relaxing freedom she expected. Without someone to talk and kill time aimlessly with, her thoughts grew into an itch in the back of her skull. Most notable among them: Hope’s absence. Her lack of reply to the text messages. She had vanished off the face of the earth.

She had to be AWOL for a reason…stressed? Sick? Overworked? Something was up.

After watching a few pirated episodes of Glee, Kelley fell asleep to dreams of being the hero, swooping into the study session tomorrow and carrying Hope off to a fantastic lunch and day downtown, or bringing her food, orange juice, painkillers, anything she needed. At the very least, she would offer a few smooth compliments and jokes. It would be perfect.

At eleven the next day, Kelley surged up out her bed, dressed, and headed to the library to check on the usual study group with visions of the perfect date dancing in her head. She was already grinning widely as she turned into the room.

No Hope.

Another T.A. ran the session instead, far more animatedly and enthusiastically than the dark-haired, apparently now missing senior Hope Solo.

Kelley stuck around until the end of the session, barely hearing anything over the sound of her own thoughts (she knew everything they were discussing already), then approached the new TA at the end as she cleaned up.

“Is…is Hope doing okay?” Kelley asked, trying to sound casual. The blonde girl looked up and nodded.

“Solo? As far as I know, she’s fine. I just saw her this morning. She gave me the supplies and files for this session. I guess she just needed the day off. Why?”

So Hope was fine. _Just avoiding me,_ Kelley realized. Her stomach sank.

“No reason,” she muttered, “Just checking.”

* * *

Friday afternoon found Kelley stretched out on the campus green, a biology book in her lap but her mind far away from chromosomes and inheritance patterns.

Hope had skipped yet another kinesiology class the day before, making it over a week since they last saw each other—apparently the way she wanted it. As much as Kelley didn't want to admit it, or even think about it, Hope’s absence stung, like a personal rejection. Clearly she had done something so egregiously wrong that it forced Hope to bail on her responsibilities just to avoid her.

And yet she still had no idea what she had done.

She smiled ruefully down at her textbook, trying not to think of the irony of their last communication: _if you ever have a bad day or something happens at soccer, or anything, go ahead and text me. I’ve been there, it’s nice to have someone to call._

It was easy enough to ignore the fact during the week when she could lose her thoughts in the whirlwind of activity. But in quiet moments, like now, when she was supposed to be studying, the cracks in the wall showed more and more.

She had really fucked this one up.

On the bright side, her older sister had just come through in the eleventh hour to provide a few minutes of desperately needed distraction.

**Erin: Kell, I miss you. When are you done for summer?!**

**Kelley: I miss you too sis. I'll be home on june third but if I get one of these jobs, then i have to come back at some point over summer and start working, so I’ll only be home a few weeks**

**Erin: so responsible, i love it. You’re growing up!**

**Kelley: ew. I'm a starving college student, I just need the money. or i need someone to give me money, that would be better.**

**Erin: How are other things? Dating anyone?**

Kelley snorted at the screen. Naturally, her sister just _had_ to ask.

**Kelley: No**

**Erin: Well, find a nice girl to bring home to the fam**

**Kelley: never**

**Erin: you got to make all my boyfriends feel uncomfortable, now it's my turn**

**Kelley: exactly why I said 'never'**

**Erin: really though, you haven't dated anyone? You'd think with all those beach girls around, you'd go a bit crazy.**

**Kelley: You know how it is, there's more sex and partying going on than dating, and that's not really my style.**

So it wasn't an outright lie, but Kelley had no desire to start spilling the secrets of her freshman year to anyone who hadn't witnessed them personally, even if she did trust her sister more than anyone. She still had an image to uphold at home.

**Erin: Good, i'm proud of you sis. Keep going like that, even though it seems boring: stay on top of things, don't spend all your time at the beach, don't party more than you should, settle down for the end of the year, okay? Don't be stupid.**

_Don't be stupid, don't go crazy, be normal, be cool, be predictable_...the longer Kelley stared at the screen, the more she wanted to jump out of her skin. She had spent the last month settling down for the end of the year and throwing herself into her studies, playing coy, acting demure, staying in with a book when she would have longed to go out.

Even now she sat here, wasting away a glorious Friday afternoon, thinking about a girl she barely knew.

Before she could realize what she was doing, she was on her feet and charging back towards the dorms. She fired off one more message.

**Kelley: Don't worry, Erin. I'm doing big things. Promise.**

* * *

"Hey!"

Alex rolled onto her back just in time to catch a glimpse of Kelley banging into the dorm room and leaping onto Alex's bed like some sort of small, freckled wildcat. She hit seventy percent mattress and thirty percent Alex, who gave an offended "oof" as Kelley scrambled to sit astride her.

"What's up for tonight?" she asked eagerly, ignoring Alex's protestations. "Let's do big things, let’s go out.”

"What?"

“There has to be something going on tonight. It’s like the last weekend before everyone has to buckle down for finals.”

“You...you wanna go out?” Alex slowly sat up and dislodged Kelley, who let herself fall back onto Alex’s shins. “I think Serv said something about a party at one of the football houses, but—”

“I’m down, let’s go.”

“Don’t you have to study?”

Kelley made a noise of disgust. “Alex, c’mon. We’re two hot girls, we should be getting drunk on cheap alcohol and dancing with guys we have no intention of taking home. In fact, we should call up several of our friends, who are also hot girls, and bring them with us to join.”

A wide grin broke across Alex’s  face. _This_ was the Kelley she knew. She studied her friend for a moment, looking for the hairline crack that would reveal Kelley’s real feelings, waiting for some explanation for the past weeks, but when Kelley betrayed nothing more than her old zealousness, Alex relented.

“Fine. Let’s round up the crew. Last party of the year.”

Kelley let out a cheer. “We’ll get drunk and it’s going to be a mess. Exactly what I need.”

* * *

The first step across the threshold from the cool California air to the clamor of the house party was like a rebirth. She was back. This was her world and she loved it; the heat, the sweat, the pounding music, and the scent of alcohol had turned the air so viscous it weighed down upon her and made her lungs work to inhale, and she had to fight to squeeze between the bodies packed against each other in darkness.

Kelley couldn’t wipe the grin off her face.

They finally hit the table set up with plastic bottles of vodka and hundreds of little paper cups for shots. The girls huddled close to her as Kelley began reaching for clean cups and Serv yelled something about going to find a keg.

“We finished a fifth back at the dorms!” But Alex was joyous as she yelled, eyes swimming and sparkling, and she had no objection to accepting the first shot Kelley handed her.

“That was for the walk here,” Kelley replied, pouring more for the rest of the girls. “I’m sober as hell.”

Servando and a few of his friends, the only people at the party the girls knew to accept drinks from, returned a minute later with plastic cups of beer, not enough for everyone but enough to pass around to chase down the vodka. Finally, they tossed their used cups back onto the table.

“Dancing?”

“Let’s go!”

Her friends, after so many weeks without her, couldn’t have been more excited to have their favorite partier back and plied her with alcohol in celebration. If she recognized the person thrusting a cup her way, she took it with a wild laugh of gratitude and downed the drink, something with a gatorade-like sweetness that burned in the back of her throat long after she had set the cup down and fallen back into her group of friends. They made themselves breathless and dizzy with laughter on the makeshift dance floor. Time flew by and her consciousness faded until she found herself leaning against Alex, tilting her head towards the ceiling, grinning upwards without seeing it.

Every minute that passed, every new song, every new taste of alcohol, every drunk body that pressed against her, settled Kelley more and more with the contentedness that the night was headed exactly where she needed it to go: chaos.

* * *

“Kelley! Get your ass over here.”

A strong arm wrapped around her waist and another around her arm and pulled her away, for which she would be forever grateful: she’d lost a beer drinking contest to a frat boy and he wanted the kiss the they had bet on. Friends tended to have that sort of sixth sense.

“He…cheated,” she tried to assure them as she leaned up against a wall next to Kristie, both girls trying to steady themselves. “I was going to win.”

Lauren laughed over her protestations. “Sure, sure he did. That’s enough of that though. Are you doing okay?”

“Solid.”

Of course she wasn’t okay. That was why she couldn’t stop smiling. Or swaying. That was the whole point.

“Listen,” Lauren said, just drunk enough not to care about Kelley’s lie, “The party is on its last leg, it’s going to get really weird really fast when the alcohol’s gone. Jrue’s coming to pick us up, you wanna go?”

“Well…”

“Or if you’re having fun, you can stay. Alex and a few of the others are still here.”

“Imma do that.”

Lauren paused, appraising Kelley with a fresh scrutiny and probably questioning her own wisdom. Leaving someone behind was never advisable. But Kelley managed a bright, lucid smile, and tipped the scales of judgment in her favor.

“Alright…” Lauren said slowly, “Just stick with Alex, Serv, and the soccer boys we know, okay?”

“Got it, Mama Cheney.”

Lauren gave her one more once-over, then took hold of Kristie’s hand and collected Adrianna and Whit before she left. And then Kelley was alone, and free.

* * *

In the fuzzy part of her mind, it felt like only minutes after her friends left before Lauren’s observation had come to pass and the host football players were tossing empty plastic vodka bottles at each other, while others hauled the empty keg outside. The garage, blacklit and pounding with music, was crowded as ever with drunk bodies—Kelley’s included—but the party had reached its crescendo when Lauren had left and from here, it would only descend into a messy sort of patheticness. Even so, this was her one chance, as she had told Alex. She needed this. She was going to ride it out until the very end.

“Kelley! Dude, why are you still here?”

Unless…

She whipped around, abandoning the boy she had been dancing with, to see familiar faces rushing her way: several tall, lean girls, a mismatched crew of neighbors she knew from her dorm and the campus beach volleyball courts.

“What’s up?” she cried jubilantly, throwing her arms open for her friends to crash into.

“Why are you still here?”

“What do you mean?”

The apparent leader of the crew, Allison, snorted. “This party is pretty much done, there are two more a few blocks away, we’re about to leave. Wanna join us?”

So long as she had a protective cadre of people she sort of knew, she could go anywhere. Alex was preoccupied with Serv somewhere, the rest of the squad had either gone home or were scattered with their male prizes for the night…

“I’m so down, let’s go.”

They had made it halfway across the house toward the back door when suddenly a stout, muscled guy jumped into their path. Despite her hazy comprehension of the world, Kelley recognized him as another football player, a freshman who sat a few seats away from her in British Lit. James? Jacob? Jack?

He recognized Kelley as well. “Kelley! From English, right? What’s up girl, are you beautiful ladies leaving right now?”

“Sorry, we’re on our way out,” one of the girls said, trying to move past him.

James Jacob Jack focused his attention on the familiar face in the group: “Kelley, Kelley, Kelley, you guys can’t leave yet!”

Kelley shrugged. She didn’t really care, at this point.

“We’ve still got alcohol, for you at least, come on, you’re special, just hang out. You know we love to treat athletes right, right? How are you going to bail on an athlete party? You’re no Narp.”

Her friends leaned against each other as they glanced back and forth between Kelley and her would-be suitor, clearly impatient. They had places to go, free alcohol to black out on, Kelley understood; but she couldn’t resist scanning the party quickly for another option. Across the room, she caught a flash of Alex’s laughing face, her body in Serv’s arms as they chatted with another group of athletes. So there was safety in staying.

And then she made the mistake of following the pointed arm of her new friend. He gestured toward the kitchen, considerably less empty than the rest of the house, where a group of football players stood passing around cans of beer and an actual glass bottle of some type of booze. And in the center of them all, sitting regally above them on a counter, was Hope.

The object of Kelley’s frustration from the past week leaned back, looking lean in skinny jeans and a black lace top, chatting with the group as she gulped down a beer—one of the guys to her right said something and she nearly spit it out laughing. She accepted the bottle of rum he handed her in apology and drank it straight.

Kelley was hopelessly entranced. Her friends were forgotten.

Perhaps the boy in front of her sensed the sudden wavering in Kelley’s confidence. Or else he saw the widening of her eyes as a response to the alcohol, not the lean, dark-haired woman who had just caught sight of Kelley. Hope’s stared across the kitchen at her in surprise, face cold but not entirely unwelcoming.

“The party’s just getting started!” Jack John James exclaimed. “We’re getting more alcohol, once all the randoms bail, we’re kicking it back up again! Just stay, ladies, c’mon!”

Kelley looked to her friends, who stood pawing the ground like anxious cattle despite the weak promise of more partying. Then she looked back to Hope. The older girl was watching her.

“We can stay for a few more minutes, I guess.”

When the other girls didn’t object, their host let out a cheer and steered the group into the kitchen toward his friends, wearing a proud grin, the young wolf bringing a carcass back to the rest of his pack. Kelley strolled boldly alongside him. She held herself up to her full five feet and five inch height, trying to match Hope’s regality as the distance between them closed.

Not once did the two women break eye-contact.

“You guys owe me,” Jimmy Johnson called to his friends when he presented the girls to them, “Your party is so lame that these beautiful women were on their way out, but I convinced them to stay.”

The football players, who Kelley recognized mostly as senior starters, raised their eyebrows at their teammate’s freshman bravado but didn’t rebuff him directly. Instead, they turned to the girls.

“How did Tommy manage to reel all of you in?” one demanded, laughing.

Tommy. Whoops. Kelley brushed it off, she’d never been good with names anyway.

“Sometimes the promise of alcohol can make up for…charm,” she said, arching an eyebrow. The boys laughed and, though she wasn’t looking directly, she saw the corners of Hope’s mouth twitch.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Tommy replied. He started pointing to his teammates, left to right. “Ladies, these are my teammates, the number three offense in the state.”

“Number two, man,” groaned the guy standing closest to Hope, the one who had made her nearly spit out her beer laughing earlier. Kelley recognized this one without an introduction—Jerramy Stevens, the school’s star wide receiver. He nodded to Hope. “And this is my friend Hope.”

She smiled at the group but raised her chin in specific acknowledgment of Kelley.

“How’ve you been, Kell?” she asked.

 Again, although Kelley studied her, Hope’s face was at once aloof and welcoming, smiling and austere. As if they truly were just meeting, not reuniting after a confusing and frustrating week of radio silence. To match her, Kelley chose the most neutral course of action.

“Fine. You?”

“Doing great.”

Jerramy looked between the two of them. “You know each other?”

At the same time that Kelley said, “She’s my kines tutor,” Hope told him, “We’re just friends.”

The introductions continued on over the momentous exchange that had just taken place without allowing for Hope and Kelley to exchange anything else, and everyone learned names that they would forget five minutes from now. They needed to get formalities out of the way before the guys got to the point.

“So, to make up for the fact that Tommy is really lame, what can we get for you girls to drink? We still have some beer, Tex and James are coming back with more vodka soon—”

“I’ll have rum,” Kelley interrupted with a nod at the bottle still in Hope’s hands.

Hope raised an eyebrow, then passed the bottle over.

“Cheers,” she said, as Kelley tipped it back.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**11:49 PM**

It wasn’t long before the rest of the football boys flooded into the kitchen with the alcohol that they had gone to get and a crop of new partiers, mostly girls. The injection of life into the group not only saved everyone from the awkwardness of introductions and forced conversation, but also allowed Kelley to fall back, fall silent, and do what she truly wanted to do: watch Hope, over a fresh bottle of beer.

She was a different creature.

All of the cool aloofness with which she navigated conversations and tutoring sessions had vanished in the presence of alcohol and her friends—who these people clearly were. She cheered with them, holding her drink above her head, as Jerramy and another boy raced to finish their beer. When the younger one lost in pathetic fashion Hope laughed and rolled her eyes and cheerfully jeered along with everyone else. She was drunk, unsteady on her feet, but she still seemed to retain her senses and the glint never left her eye. She was in her element.

Kelley had constantly reminded herself—and everyone else around her, as a matter of fact—that her world and Hope’s were entirely separate. Different galaxies. She had never expected them two intersect, to see Hope so open and shining and comfortable.

And yet here they were, Kelley a satellite orbiting this new world she never expected to reach, studying its features from afar.

She had never wanted to touch the surface so bad.

Hope flashed another smile and tossed someone a bottle of beer, and the longer Kelley watched, the worse the ache in her chest became, burning and tinged green with jealousy of the people who were more to Hope than simple satellites. People Hope didn’t disappear on for a week. The people she let in.

Turning away, Kelley finished her drink—it was only lukewarm and didn’t help palliate the heat in her chest—and cast the cup aside, searching for some distraction.

The influx of new people into the room helped more than the alcohol did. Her initially reluctant friends regained their enthusiasm and reabsorbed her into their group, now made up of many more co-eds and some tougher-looking athletes. Allison excitedly introduced Kelley to each of them in turn, ending with a blonde girl who held the smile, handshake, and eye-contact for just a heartbeat past platonic.

Over the girl’s shoulder, Allison winked and gave Kelley a pointed look. Kelley grinned at her; she’d remember to thank her for this welcome distraction later.

From then on, conversation flowed with surprising ease and Kelley finished four more drinks, with every sip growing more attracted to her new friends and slipping further into the indistinct haze she had just pulled herself out of. Everything felt right.

“Kelley.”

Her world snapped back into focus at the sound of Hope’s voice wrapped around her name. The haze vanished. She turned to see Hope standing in front of her, a red cup in either hand.

“What’s up, Solo?” she asked, a unexpected touch of defiance in her voice. Hope heard it, too; her eyebrows twitched upward in surprise.

“It’s been a while,” she said evenly, “I’m…sorry I haven’t been around, it’s been a long week.”

“It’s fine,” Kelley replied, remarkably proud of her ability to match Hope’s level gaze. “You have your own life.”

Hope nodded and Kelley struggled for something to keep the conversation going, because she tried to deny it sober but now, her thoughts slurring, she only knew that she wasn’t content watching Hope from afar for the rest of the night. She needed time to figure out what to say.

Hope momentarily ended Kelley’s deliberations by offering Kelley one of the two red cups she held.

“Peace offering.”

She glanced down at her own empty cup, then carefully accepted Hope’s. “Peace offering for what?”

Hope shrugged. “You tell me.”

Instead of responding—she wasn’t quite sure what battle they waged—Kelley took a sip of her drink and nearly gasped at the taste of vodka. This was double the strength of what she’d been drinking before. But it was Hope who stood in front of her, so Kelley swallowed hard and took another long draught without grimacing. She lowered the cup and counted the arch of Hope’s eyebrow as a personal victory.

“Kelley,” Hope said, taking a smaller sip of her drink, “Don’t get out of your depth here. Not with these guys. Drink, but slowly.”

“I’m not out of my depth,” she fired back, “Trust me.”

“I do. But not them.”

Kelley relaxed some of the tension in her muscles and took another, smaller sip.

“How was kines class this week without me?” Hope asked after a moment. For the first time, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth—the peace offering had worked, whatever it was.

“Just as bad as it is with you.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Kelley said, beaming. They exchanged one more taunting look, inviting the verbal battles they used to have, but someone was calling Kelley’s name from the beer pong table. They needed a partner. Kelley glanced over her shoulder and nodded, then back at Hope.

“Go kick their ass,” Hope told her, “Just remember what I said, yeah?”

She smiled, cocky and appreciative and warm at the same time. “Got it, Solo.”

She’d touched the surface.

.

.

.

.

.

**12:13 AM**

Within two minutes of Kelley triumphantly walking away from the beer pong table, she had an arm around her.

 “Alright, so you kicked my ass at beer pong,” Tommy said, faking humiliation, “But I gotta say, it’s not my fault, I kept looking at you and getting distracted.”

“That…kinda is your fault,” Kelley pointed out pragmatically.

“That you’re so pretty?”

“No, that you have an attention deficit.”

He laughed and Kelley wasn’t sure if she meant it to be entirely a joke; he was far too close to her and smelled like alcohol and deodorant.

“So it’s my resolution next season to start going to more soccer games,” he told her. “Women’s games. Seeing a whole team of hot girls like you play sports is a great way to spend a few hours. Do you—”

Just as it finally occurred to her why he was so close and why he was trying so hard to be charming, and as her patience level hit zero, Kelley felt a thin arm circle around her waist and tug her away. Relief crashed over her and she began to laugh again.

.

.

.

.

.

**12:20 AM**

Her rescuer, the blonde girl from earlier, pulled her close and declared that the two of them would take on all challengers for a drinking game. Kelley half-wished Hope would step up against them just so they could exchange their usual competitive glances across the table, as if Hope were asking her questions about wrist anatomy that she thought Kelley couldn’t answer, but the woman was nowhere to be found.

Kelley washed the idea down with another swig of beer. She took another deep inhale of her new friend’s perfume. Intoxication was easy. And necessary.

.

.

.

.

**12:49 AM**

_She’s wild. Still a teenager…technically? Crazy kid._ And yeah, when she stuck her tongue out at her friends and couldn’t hold the face and broke into a beaming smile, it was great, but everyone else thought so too and they all had an eye on such a prize slice of meat. _You both said you’re just her tutor. You told Abby. She told everyone else._

_She’s really, really drunk._

.

.

.

.

.

**1:01 AM**

At the touch of a hand on her shoulder, Kelley turned, readying something charming to say. But instead of the green eyes she was expecting, Hope’s blue ones wiped Kelley’s mind blank just as well as alcohol did. Luckily, Hope was saying something that Kelley couldn’t hear.

“What? Say that again!”

As so eagerly promised, the party had indeed picked back up. Hope rolled her eyes in irritation and leaned in closer, shouting over the music.

“I just wanted to know how you’re feeling.”

A smile burst over Kelley’s face. “Ha! Solo, to try and even begin to understand my feeling...” She swayed; Hope caught her elbow. “It…might take me a little while to figure it out.”

“Riiiight. How far along are you in understanding now?”

“Half of a fifth, a bunch of unidentified shots, whatever you gave me earlier, five beers…and more than whatever your friend over there can drink.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Hope saw the freshman idiot who had dragged Kelley over to their group in the first place. He probably could have bench pressed her. She’d remind Jerramy to give him hell the next morning.

“You won’t outdrink him, Kell.”

“I can,” Kelley said, triumphant and proud, “And by the time I do, I’ll have a brilliant conclusion ready for you.”

“A brilliant conclusion about what?” Hope asked.

“You.”

.

.

.

.

.

**1:38 AM**

“Kelley!” Tommy again; she couldn’t seem to escape him. “Let me get you a beer!”

Kelley regarded him without comment. He was red-faced and blurry-eyed but at least he wasn’t swaying on the spot. She suspected she was.

“Sure, go grab me one.”

When he didn’t move, she raised an eyebrow and clawed her way up a few levels towards sobriety.

“We’ve got way better beer at my house,” he said, “right down the street. We should get out of here.”

This time she stumbled away on her own.

.

.

.

.

.

**2:35 AM**

Green eyes, not blue, level with her own, and blonde hair and a body that fit tightly against Kelley’s as they jumped up and down, celebrating their victory…or maybe a loss. It didn’t matter because they couldn’t tell. They had no idea where they were. Her hands on kelley’s hips told her that they could go home now, they could make it a real victory but _damn_ her eyes were too green.

But maybe she needed that.

.

.

.

.

. 

**3:08 AM**

_I shouldn’t be doing this. I said I wouldn’t._

But what else could she do?

 

* * *

**8:55 AM**

She woke up swearing, first silently and then aloud when she became conscious enough to realize she had no memory of most of the night before.

“Whathefu…” Her face was pressed into a pillow.

A small bed, barely big enough for two people, taking up most of a small bedroom. The other half of the bed was empty—a good sign, but possibly meaningless. Kelley still wore her jeans from last night, though the button had been undone to loosen them from around her waist, and keeping her warm was…a sweatshirt. She examined the sleeve that hung down over her hand.

This wasn’t hers. It was more than twice her size, and looked to be about as old as she was. Rolling over revealed an aged green and blue Seahawks emblem.

Seattle, Seattle, Seattle…

“Oh shit.”

_I slept with Hope, I slept with Hope…what if I was sloppy, or no good? How drunk was I? Where did she go? I had sex with Hope._

The pit of fear and adrenaline in her stomach propelled her out of the haze of dizzinesss and up from the bed as if she’d been electrocuted. She grabbed her shoes from the floor and hurried into the living room of the apartment, nearly tripping in her haste.

“Hope? Where—”

Similar to the bedroom, a large couch took of up most of the living room and Kelley instantly gravitated towards it: wide, soft, covered with a few blankets and pillow, it looked a perfect place to crash, a wonderfully comfortable…bed.

And, looking left, she realized just what had happened when she found Hope sitting at a small kitchen table, a mug of coffee in her hands and another on the table next to a plate of pancakes.

“Morning,” Hope said quietly.

Last night had taken its toll, to be sure, evident mostly in the tired cloud in Hope’s eyes and the way she held her coffee close even when she wasn’t drinking it. But somehow her makeup had stayed intact and a night of sleeping on her hair had only left it looking more effortlessly casual;  even wearing  soccer shorts and an old t-shirt, Hope seemed far more put together than Kelley knew she herself looked, and she shrank into the sweatshirt, embarrassed.

 _Hope’s sweatshirt_ , she remembered, and the mortification doubled.

“God, I’m so sorry—You slept out here?”

 “Yeah.” She pointed to the food. “Are you hungry?”

“You made pancakes?”

“Yeah…I did.” Hope furrowed her brow at at hem, seeming just as perplexed and surprised at her own domesticity as Kelley was.

 _She took me home, I slept in her bed, she made me pancakes…_ “Hope—jesus, I’m really sorry for whatever happened last night, thank you so much for taking care of me. What happened?”

Hope waved a hand and quieted Kelley’s anxiety. “Don’t worry about it. Just eat and grab some coffee, before the hangover takes hold. I’ll drive you home in a few minutes.”

* * *

**Adrianna: everyone alive?**

**Lauren: present**

**Kristie: ugh**

**Whitney: seconded**

**Alex: not too bad…how’s Kelley?**

**Lauren: I thought she stayed with you**

In the passenger seat of Hope’s car on the way back to the dorms, Kelley cringed; she’d committed a cardinal sin in leaving her friends without saying anything, and as soon as they did a head count, their confusion would turn to panic.

**Kelley: I’m an idiot. But I’m okay. Omw home now, I’m sorry**

Hope took a turn particularly tight and the movement caused fresh nausea to rise in Kelley’s throat; and with it came regret. Despite the buzzing of her phone as it filled up with texts demanding to know what had happened, she silenced it and attended herself to the most immediate and necessary apology.

“Hope, I’m really sorry you had to deal with me last night. What happened?”

“It’s fine.” Hope kept her eyes on the road. “But you were pretty wild.”

“What did I do?”

“For one, getting you in and out of this car was a definite pain in the ass.”

“Fuck.”

“You have a thing for singing and dancing.”

“Fuck.”

“And swearing. Quite a mouth, champ.”

“Fuck.”

Hope fell silent, fighting down a smirk.

“What else?” Kelley pressed.

“Well, you tried to out drink the offensive line.”

“Fuck.”

“You didn’t win.”

“Obviously… _fuck.”_

Hope grinned and rolled her eyes with a flash of her old wry humor, her smile nearly apologetic and sufficient to provide Kelley with a measure of reassurance. She glanced down at her phone and tapped out another quick message to the group.

**Kelley: I’m fine, everything’s good. I’ll be home in a few minutes. Al, come open the door for me since I don’t have keys.**

“Well…thanks for rescuing me last night,” she said quietly, “I owe you.”

“No problem. I wasn’t carrying you all the way back to your dorm, and it was a shorter drive to my house.”

“Wait, _you_ drove us home last night? Weren’t you—”

“It was only a mile.” Hope cut her off with a careless shrug, “I brought my car to the party and wasn’t expecting to…drink so much. I’ve done it before.”

The heat of embarrassment crept back into Kelley’s face and she sank down in the seat a little. “That’s not good,” she murmured, but Hope didn’t seem to hear her and they fell into silence once more.

* * *

With Kelley in the passenger seat of her car again, Hope found it difficult to concentrate on anything but the memory of the night before.

For some reason, she had lied to Kelley: the girl hadn’t been obnoxious and wild. Instead, as Hope focused on driving them home, Kelley essentially passed out in the passenger seat, murmuring indecipherably every few minutes.

She was a surprisingly docile drunk—and light, too, luckily, otherwise carrying her the thirty feet from Hope’s parking spot to her studio apartment would have been nearly impossible in Hope’s own state of inebriation.

“You’re wonderful,” Kelley slurred once they got inside.

“Thank you,” Hope responded automatically; she leaned Kelley up against the wall like an oversized piece of furniture she didn’t have a place for yet and tried to figure out her next course of action. “Are you going to live?”

“Totally.”

Before she could respond, Kelley pitched forward and landed in Hope’s arms. “Fuck,” she giggled into Hope’s shoulder, “This is nice. Don’t move.” The sudden weight against Hope’s already unsteady feet sent them both stumbling sideways.

“Shit, I’m too drunk for this,” Hope groaned. “C’mon, you’re going to bed, I’m going to pass out.”

The smaller girl clung to her as they limped into Hope’s dark bedroom, Hope scooping up a sweatshirt from the floor on the way and handing it to Kelley.

“Here. I don’t have too many blankets but you’re going to get cold, so…” She broke off, amused, as Kelley pulled the sweatshirt on over her clothes with slow, jerky movements. She finished and Hope steered her toward the bed.

“Thank you, Hope Solo. I’ll make you breakfast…in the morning. Okay?”

“Sounds like a plan, Kelley,” she responded as she gently lowered Kelley’s body onto the mattress. “So how much did you drink tonight?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” Kelley giggled, “Your friends were very generous.” She raised her eyes to see Hope’s disapproving glare and amended her answer: “A lot. I drank a lot.”

“Mhm. And did it help you to any brilliant conclusions?”

“Yes.”

Hope’s condescending smirk faded as she tried to straighten out a pile of blankets at the foot of the bed— even with her eyes closed, Kelley had seemed so sure of her answer that it was almost as if she were sober. After enduring a moment of heavy silence, Hope let the blankets fall from her hands.

In her experience, a serious drunk was a dangerous one. Even a girl like Kelley.

“Well?” she asked, breaking the silence and sounding far less casual than she had intended. “What is it?”

Kelley rolled over stared at Hope. Silence, again.

“…Were we talking?”

With a snort of exasperation, Hope seized the blankets and wrenched them up the bed while Kelley leaned back and giggled through pursed lips.

 “Damn,” she sighed, laughing openly, “Damn, damn, damn, I’m drunk.”

“Clearly.” Hope placed the blanket around Kelley’s shoulders with painstaking exactness, taking so long that their prolonged closeness overwhelmed Kelley until her laughter faded and the weight of sleep pressed down on her.

 “Y’know,” she mumbled into the mattress as Hope finally backed away, “I think you’re beautiful.”

Hope stopped cold with her hands on the lightswitch, staring at Kelley’s hazy eyes. She must not have heard right; Kelley couldn’t get her words straight; she had no idea what she was saying.

“What?

Kelley just nodded. “Yes.”

She needed to get out of the room, needed to clear her mind of the haze that Kelley’s perfume created; she began to laugh, a necessary reaction, as she clicked off the light and plunged the room into darkness. 

“You are so drunk,” she said, shaking her head. “Goodnight, Kelley.”

But she couldn’t clear the room before Kelley drew her back just one more time, her sleepy voice somehow clearer than before.

“I mean it, Hope, I think you’re _beautiful_. And I like being here.”

Then her head dropped to the pillow and Kelley let unconsciousness take her, leaving Hope wavering in the doorway.

She realized in that moment—she’d known it all along—that she was fucked.

This girl meant way more to her than she had ever intended to allow.

From the day Kelley had offered to buy her coffee, she had completely outdistanced Hope and overshot her expectations. _A crazy kid, a pretty girl, a star college athlete unbothered by life’s responsibilities_ …Hope was quickly learning just how inadequate all these labels were, but to find a more accurate one would require her to acknowledge the new feeling creeping into her veins. The more important Kelley became, the more Hope retreated, because what the hell was she supposed to do with a girl like that? And what was she supposed to do when Kelley left? If she believed differently, then perhaps she could share herself in the way she wanted to, but Hope’s life was made for Seattle’s rain and stormclouds, and to accept that meant that she could never take too seriously a California summer girl like Kelley O’Hara.

It was hard. And becoming ever more so.

She was drunk enough to fall asleep on her couch despite her world crashing down around her, but it was so fitful that as soon as the sun rose, she fought off her hangover and struggled into the kitchen. Coffee and pancakes. Somehow they were necessary.

Two hours later, Kelley wandered out of the bedroom, disheveled, disoriented, wearing Hope’s favorite sweatshirt and with her hair stuck up in the back. Something had fluttered in Hope’s chest at the sight.

If she had known how, it was then that she would have broken free of her façade.

* * *

Instead, she had done the next closest thing and offered Kelley breakfast and a ride home. Kelley had finished her food quickly and Hope found that she was able to remain casual—until they got into the car.

As she drove and the silence became more obvious, the thought of last night and the prospect of being so close to Kelley tightened around Hope’s chest like a vise. She scrambled for something to say.

“Your game,” Hope said, clearing her throat at last. “Uh, the last game. I saw a little bit of it. Sucks that you lost.”

“You were there?” Kelley asked in surprise.

“I was studying, the library overlooks the field.”

“ _Now_ who’s the one staring out the window when they’re supposed to be learning?”

“Still you,” Hope said, rolling her eyes. She was silent again for a minute before speaking. “You played well, though. Got a few god shots. You guys just couldn’t hold them off defensively.”

Kelley picked an invisible piece of lint from her leg. “We need a keeper,” she muttered.

Hope tasted the sharp reply on the tip of her tongue, but the strange intimacy of the moment so overwhelmed her that she couldn’t find the right words. She couldn’t find any words. The compliment on Kelley’s play had felt awkward enough; the events of last night had changed her perspective and feelings so much that she didn’t even know how to interact with this girl anymore.

They used to trade barbs and laughter across coffee all afternoon. Now Hope just wanted to tell Kelley anything and everything to make her smile.

“I mean…something in me misses it,” she admitted. “I never really imagined that I would never play again. I think seeing you guys play kind of…I don’t know, I miss it.”

Kelley’s eyes widened. “Are you saying…”

“I’m way too out of shape, of course. No coach would take me now.” She backtracked, piling on excuses, but she had made the mistake of lighting the fire in Kelley’s chest, and she knew it. _Shit._ “I just meant—”

“There’s the whole summer,” Kelley said breathlessly. “You could get back into shape. We could do it.”

“It’s a pipe dream.”

“But it’s still a dream.”

“It would never work out. And we’re at your dorm.”

Hope pointed up at the building and shut off the car, but Kelley made no move to get out; instead she fixed her gaze on Hope’s face, leaning in over the center console, the world of possibility dancing in her eyes.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t miss it. Tell me you don’t want to play.”

 _This is your fault. You didn’t have to take her home last night. Or put her to bed. And you shouldn’t be this transfixed right now._ But Hope couldn’t look away, no more than she could lie to Kelley when they were this close.

“I do,” she murmured, despite the last four years. “I’m just not…”

“We can go running, together.”

“That doesn’t mean I can play.”

“Of course not, I didn’t mean…okay, you don’t have to say yes or no, you don’t have to decide now. But just come running with me. At the very least. See how it feels, see if you can still do it. Try and keep up.”

Hope pursed her lips. “When?” It sounded like a confession.

“In…in a few hours!” There were stars in Kelley’s eyes, the inspiration and possibility lighting up them up like fireworks. “I’m going running in a few hours, we—”

“Kelley.” Hope stopped her with a dubious glare. “Six hours ago you were blacked out drunk in the same seat you’re sitting in now. You won’t make it a half mile.”

For a moment, Kelley looked desperate to argue, but Hope stared her down until Kelley accepted the fact that even her natural child-like energy couldn’t overcome the hangover that had not fully set in yet. She still refused to admit Hope was right and instead turned and swung open the passenger door, as Hope began to laugh.

“Okay, fine,” she muttered as she climbed out, “I’ll take a nap today, but tomorrow, I’m making up for it.” She turned back and Hope quieted her amusement. “Six AM. Meet me in front of the gym, and we’ll start getting in shape.”

“Six in the morning?”

“Six in the morning,” Kelley repeated. “Be there?”

She may have had a moment of weakness before, looking over Kelley’s face, that had led to this mess, but seeing Kelley act once more as Hope had originally labeled her—a crazy kid—had reinforced her cool exterior and made it possible to withdraw.

“It sounds fun in theory,” she said with a little smirk, “But six AM is way too early for me. Maybe another day.” The engine rumbled to life as she turned the key in the ignition.

 

The next morning, at six AM, Hope showed up anyway. Kelley, stretching on a bench, smiled a greeting and pushed her headphones into her ears without saying anything. Hope nodded in acknowledgement.

They ran.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been two months since I've updated. I know. That's terrible. At least it's not on hiatus, like I planned.
> 
> Also, shoutout in the chapter to Tommy Sermanni. Stupid fucking USSF.

“Think we can handle it?”

She really meant, _Think you can handle it?_ And they both knew it. Hope gave a snort of assent, and in unison they dropped their heads and began the uphill sprint.

Even though her lungs felt loaded with hot sand, halfway up, Kelley grinned; Hope was matching her stride for stride on the toughest five hundred yards of the six-mile neighborhood course. They hadn’t even attempted this the first two times they’d gone running. But this run, Kelley couldn’t keep the subtle competitiveness out of her voice when she asked Hope if she thought they could make the light or up a hill, and Hope was rising to every challenge with a grimace and grunt. Their study sessions had become physical workouts, and now Kelley had the upper hand.

They crested the hill and the younger girl let out a triumphant, oxygen-deprived yelp and slowed to shake out her legs, while Hope jogged a few more steps then stopped. She stood with her back to Kelley, hands on her head, facing the rising sun.

“Good job,” Kelley panted, hands on her knees. She watched Hope’s silhouette against the sky. “A few more like that and you’ll be able to keep up on a practice field. Maybe.”

“We have two more miles, Kell,” Hope replied, “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

Kelley straightened up and lifted her chin, jogging forward. “Let’s go, then,” she told Hope as she passed.

A few seconds later, she heard Hope’s footsteps behind her for their easy descent down the other side of the hill.

Once their breathing evened out, Kelley cleared her throat. “So, summer plans? Are you headed back to Seattle?”

“Probably not. I miss my family, but I’m keeping the apartment for another six months so there’s no point in paying so much rent if I’m not going to be here half the time. I’ll probably just work. You?”

“I got hired as a waitress downtown, so I’m staying the summer too. Going home for a few weeks first, then it’s back on the grind back here.”

“You’re not dragging me out for a run every morning.”

“Hell yes I am.”

She kept her attention on the sidewalk in front of her but she felt Hope roll her eyes.

“So how much of your family is up in Seattle?” Kelley asked.

Their second run together had revealed that Hope seemed most relaxed right after a sprint, allowing Kelley to make calculated intrusions into her personal life. She had to time the questions and only ask when heart rates were highest.

“All of them,” Hope said, with a little laugh, and Kelley recorded another mental point. “Mom, brother, his family, my grandparents, everyone. We’re really tight-knit. Most of my friends are still there too, or else in college in Seattle.”

“You must really miss everyone.”

“Of course I do.” The shortness of her answer ended the conversation, and she glanced up as Kelley began to formulate another, deeper question. “Hey, let’s hit this hill too. I’ll race you to the top.”

“I’ve never done that one,” Kelley admitted, “It’s off my usual course.”

“Maybe you’re the one that should be on that practice field, then,” Hope replied coolly, and accelerated off towards the hill.

It was the kind of evasive response that would have disheartened her two weeks ago. That _had_ disheartened her two weeks ago. But their workouts—side-by-side, no desk between them—had created a new sort of understanding between the two girls, an ebb and flow of information between bouts of competition. It was new, tenuous. Hope’s armor was by no means made of steel, and too often after each run Kelley came away thinking that perhaps she had asked too much, dented the armor or hit an unprotected soft spot. Hope just seemed so disgruntled each time they said goodbye. Kelley always spent the rest of the day imagining she would be running alone from then on.

And each morning, Hope took her by surprise by being there, waiting for her.

They would have to talk to Tom soon.

* * *

“We’re roommates! _We have a house!_ ”

The ink of their signatures had only begun to dry on their new lease, and the dance party in Lauren’s car was in full swing on the way back to campus.

“Next year is going to kick ass,” Christen said from the passenger seat.

“I’m just so happy we have it done,” Alex said, pushing her hair out of her face in a show of relief. They had just over a week until summer arrived and the university forced them out of the dorms; it was an immeasurable relief to have an official place to live.

Christen turned around in her seat. “The backyard is going to be perfect for tanning. And we can throw some great parties back there.”

“No more soccer tans, no more creepy boys staring at us when we tan on the front lawn of the dorm!”

And of course, a new house meant new plans for partying and decorating and fun; their minds buzzed with the possibilities.

“Wow, guys, if only we lived twenty minutes from a beach, or something,” Lauren drawled sarcastically. She had been left without a roommate since Amy, her partner in crime, had decided to transfer away to be closer to home. Lauren called her decision to room with Alex, Christen, Kelley and Whitney the introduction of “some adult supervision” to the group.

“What do you think, Kell?” she asked with a glance in the rearview mirror.

Kelley, staring out the window at passing houses, didn’t respond.

“Hey, Houdini!” Alex said, nudging her.

“Wha?”

“Houdini?” asked Lauren.

“I’ve renamed her that after her disappearing act at the party the other night,” Alex explained. “Kell, Lauren asked you what you thought.”

“About what, the party?”

“The house we just signed our souls away for literally five minutes ago. The one you’re living in next year, unless you’ve found a box somewhere.”

By the end of her sentence, Kelley had gathered herself enough to throw an appropriately withering glare. “I love it, you know that, Alex. And you can’t say anything about my Houdini trick when you were too distracted by your boy up against the wall to even watch my performance.”

The hoots and immediately laughter from the front seat drowned out Alex’s quiet snort of derision, but she turned away to look out the window instead of engaging with Kelley, taking everyone by surprise. They fell quiet quickly. In Alex’s reflection on the window, Kelley caught a hardness in the lines around her mouth. Before she said anything, Christen spoke up.

“Kelley, have you had your end-of-the-year meeting with Tom yet?”

“I haven’t,” Kelley said, still watching the side of Alex’s head. “Mine is tomorrow.”

“Nervous?” Lauren asked.

“A bit.”

“Alex, what did he go over with you?”

Alex took a minute to answer. “Just…the same stuff that Abby has been telling me. Stepping up for the team, the tradition, the intensity, our attacking line. He said our strength is going to be in our attack, and that’s where the team will center around.”

“Pressure’s on you and Christen, then,” Lauren said with a smile. “Can you handle it?”

As it invariably did, the conversation turned to next year’s team, next year’s soccer, for the rest of the ride home.

* * *

When Lauren dropped the three girls off at the freshmen dorms, she waited a minute before rolling down her window and calling Alex back to the car. Alex trotted back.

“What’s up, Cheney?”

Lauren checked her mirror to ensure that Christen and Kelley were out of earshot.

“What’s going on with Kelley?” she asked quietly. “She was out of it all day.”

“She’s been like that for a few days. I asked her this morning, she said she’s just tired.” Alex shrugged. “I would be too, if I worked as much as she does: she gets up before the sun does every morning and goes running.”

“Our summer conditioning plans don’t kick in for another few weeks,” Lauren said absent-mindedly. “Well, if anyone would be working their ass off, it’s her. I can tell how bad she wants it next year, with the position change.”

“Is that going to be permanent? Do you think she’ll be okay back there?”

“She’ll be fine. And if she’s not right away, she’s got us.” There was a rise in the second part of Lauren’s statement that suggested it was more than likely Kelley would need them; it was warm and reassuring, though, reminding Alex why so many of them looked up to Lauren.

“Yeah, we got her,” Alex agreed. “I’ll talk to you later, Chen.”

She made to move away from the car, until she stopped again at Lauren’s voice: “Wait, Al.”

“Yeah?”

“How about you? Are you doing okay?”

The two girls enjoyed each other but had never been particularly close, not like Alex was with Kelley or Lauren was with Amy, but now Lauren’s concern transcended that of a teammate. Surprised by this, Alex opened up to her.

“The end of the year is hitting me kinda fast. There’s a lot I wasn’t expecting.”

“School stuff, or stuff with Serv?”

“He wants to take the summer off and see how we feel when we come back next fall,” Alex confessed.

Lauren’s jaw dropped; Alex’s shoulders dropped with the weight that had been lifted from them; and her eyes dropped to study the ground.

“Alex,” Lauren said, trying to regain her gaze, “Alex, what did you say? Are you—he can’t just—”

“I don’t know yet. He just told me yesterday. But I don’t have time to think about it right now, I have to go work on some stuff. I just can’t deal with it right now.”

“But he—”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

She started to back away from the car, clearly not fine with the fact that her boyfriend of eight months wanted to break up for the summer. Lauren nearly leaned out of the window to maintain her attention. “Hey, call me tonight, okay? We’ll grab food or something, if you need someone to talk through it.”

“Got it, Cheney,” Alex agreed hastily, before ducking her head and hurrying to catch up with Kelley and Christen inside the dorm.

* * *

The streets around them empty and golden beneath the still-rising sun, Kelley and Hope stood together on the corner of an intersection as they waited for the light to turn green. They had upped the mileage today; it showed in Hope’s sagging shoulders as she hunched over with her hands on her knees, and in the shine of accomplishment in Kelley’s red face.

“Come on, Hope,” Kelley said, energized by her pride, since she was the one standing tall. “Let’s get one more sprint in. When the light turns green, I’ll race you to the coffee place down the street. Loser buys.”

Teasingly, she took a few half-steps into the street, watching Hope over her shoulder for a reaction.

The instant Hope lifted her head, she lunged forward and grabbed a fistful of Kelley’s shirt, and then wrenched her back onto the sidewalk; a second later, a pick-up truck whizzed around the corner out of nowhere, flying by too close and too fast.

Kelley didn’t even realize what happened until Hope stood between her and the street, glaring.

“Who let you out into the adult world without a leash?” she demanded. “Crossing streets without looking.”

“Shit, dude,” Kelley replied, watching the truck disappear down the road. “You have awesome reflexes. I knew you were still a great keeper.”

Hope intensified her glare.

“C’mon, it wasn’t going to hit me, it swung wide.” Kelley began to laugh. “Thank you anyway though, superwoman.”

“Yeah, well…” Hope shrugged as she retraced her eyes over the path the car had actually taken. “The wind it created might still have knocked you over, you’re so small.”

Kelley attempted to pull herself up above her full height and puff out her chest, ready for a fight, but a light shove from Hope sent her stumbling back, and the two girls began to laugh.

“Sit back down,’ Hope told her, grinning. “Anyway, I’m done running, I gotta get home early today and my apartment is in the opposite direction. I’m drowning in end of the year work.”

“TA stuff?”

“That too. Speaking of, there’s a final cram session for Kines tonight, are you coming?”

“Are you leading it?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll be there. Good luck with all your other work, too. Text me next time you need some stress relief.”

Hope cocked an eyebrow in surprise and Kelley stared at her until she realized too late that perhaps she had dropped her tone an octave too far and darkened her eyes just a little too much at the end of that offer, suggesting something less than innocent. She stammered to fix it.

“I mean, you’re getting in better shape, a little more healthy racing competition between us can’t hurt.”

She considered and then nixed another comment about rising heart rates and just smiled instead.

“Might not hurt you,” Hope said with a rueful laugh, bending over to press the heel of her hand into her knee. “Unless you’re sprinting out into streets again. But sure, as long as I’m with you, we’ll get back after it. You’re probably going to need as much stress relief as I will.”

Kelley stared at Hope’s shoulders as they rolled under the skin left exposed by her tanktop.

“I can take care of myself.”

She hoped, _prayed_ that Hope didn’t hear the innuendo her own mind immediately picked up. Hope’s lips twitched into a small smile that vanished before Kelley could turn red.

“Sure you can, Kell. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Later, Solo.”

Hope turned and began a slow jog in the direction of her apartment; one last thought made her turn back.

“And Kelley,” she called, “ _Please_ look both ways on the run home, got it?”

Kelley began to laugh—Hope cracked only a small smile—and saluted. “Got it, boss. I’ll see you at the cram session.” She made a show of looking up and down the street when the light turned green, and jogged off after a quick wave to Hope.

* * *

Now that she wasn’t so focused on keeping her breathing even as they ran together or the next clever thing she was going to say, Kelley’s mind began to drift as she slowly trotted home, making it much more difficult to pay attention to where her feet were taking her.

She didn’t really care, though. She was headed in the general direction of campus and right now it was far more important that she keep mentally replaying the picture of the muscles tense in Hope’s arms and shoulders.

Her tank-top, tight across a flat stomach.

Long legs, impossibly California tan for someone who talked about Seattle with so much pride.

The feral smile they’d exchanged when they glanced at each other mid-sprint.

She couldn’t stop cycling through these images and her skin was rough with goosebumps, her heart racing far above what it should have been for her jogging pace, her breath ragged. God, she shouldn’t be feeling like this because of some kinesiology assistant in soccer shorts, but somehow this fact made it even worse.

Her voice was most important, however: “ _Please look both ways on the run home, got it?_ ”

Kelley managed to do that, at least.

* * *

Alex wasn't in the room when Kelley returned from her run, which was oddly discomforting: for one thing, it was only 7 AM, and for another, Kelley had planned on Alex's reassurance before going into her meeting with Tom. On her own instead, Kelley took a bit longer in the showers as she let the hot water relax her, and ended up running to Tom's office on the other side of campus.

"So, Kelley," Tom began as Kelley sat down on the other side of the desk in the cramped office. "How was your freshman year?"

"I think...I think it was a good experience." She was still trying to catch her breath from the run. "I think it was a good year of developing as a player and person and it'll really help me next year."

"And what do you want to do next year? What are your goals?"

"Playing time," she admitted, shifting in her chair. "That's probably everyone's goal. But I want to prove my worth to the team and get out on the field and help however I can."

After a moment's hesitation, she added, "Wherever I can."

Tom wrote this all down, nodding. "Alright, Kelley. Before we get into your personal future on the squad, how about team goals?"

"A conference title. A playoff trip. Winning in the playoffs. Obviously. I also think it would be cool to break a few if the school records, for scoring or streaks or shutouts or something. We'll have a really good team next year."

"How will you help personally with those goals?"

"However I can. On the bench, on the field, at training..." She trailed off as Tom continued to scribble down notes, a sinking feeling spreading inexplicably through her chest. These were basic answers; he could have assumed them without this meeting. If she wanted any chance at a starting spot next year, she had to stand out in his eyes as someone who devoted herself to the team, no matter what.

"So, on to positions—" Tom began.

"Actually, I have a quick proposition about the team goals. One of the positions we need is a keeper."

"Are you volunteering?" He joked.

Kelley shook her head, edging toward breathless again but for an entirely different reason than earlier. "I met a girl who used to play keeper here. She's a senior, but she has one semester left. Her name is Hope—"

"Hope Solo?"

"Wait, you know her?”

"Most of the coaches in the area who have been around for more than four years know her. I wasn't aware she was still in school."

Kelley's heart soared. Surely if Tom had heard of her, he would want her on the team. "She is, she is...I've been talking to her about coming back next season, we've been running together every morning. If she's in shape, can she walk on in fall?"

Every moment that Tom sat quietly brought Kelley's heart back down. He studied his desk, not looking up at her.

Finally, he spoke: "You've convinced her to run with you? How far every day?"

"We did six miles this morning."

Another minute of silent consideration. "Alright, Kelley. If she's in shape come preseason, you can bring her to a training session and we'll see how she measures up. But," he insisted, leaning forward onto the desk as a grin spread across her face, "Don't rely on the possibility of Hope Solo, a lot can change in the course of a summer. I also want you to focus on your own development."

"Of course." She nodded, but her mind was far away. She couldn't really imagine what Hope could have done to warrant people handling her as if she were a live grenade.

"Which brings us to next year's plans. It could change, but at this point the plan is to be playing you as a left back for the season."

"Are you sure?" She asked before she could stop herself.

"I'm sure," Tom chuckled in his accent. "I know you're an attacking minded player, but we have a strong attack that requires we move some players into defense. The spring season was a trial run, we'll be able I fine tune things over the summer."

Her chair became increasingly uncomfortable the longer Kelley sat there, listening to Tom discuss summer training, statistics they would be looking for next fall, even old players she could talk to and professionals she could watch. All the while, she tried and failed to stem the well of disappointment and discomfort until it built to a breaking point in her chest.

Finally, Tom finished. “This will be good for you,” he assured her, “If you want more playing time, this is the way. If you want to help out with what you said—the winning streaks and the shutouts and everything else— we’re going to need you in the back, and that’s all there is to it.”

All at once the pain in her chest disappeared as if someone had thrown water on the fire. Nothing replaced the feeling, leaving her numb, but she counted that as a blessing.

“Alright,” she said simply, “I’m a defender. I can do that.”

“Of course you can. Do you have any more questions, anything before I see you next fall?”

“Nope.”

Tom stood up. “Have a good summer then, Kelley.”

* * *

As she strolled back across the campus, the first leisure time she had had all morning, Kelley envisioned alternating horrible and wonderful fantasies of next season: getting run over and injured by the monster striker of a rival team, making a sliding goal-line save, missing the sliding goal-line save. She thought about the summer fitness plans and next year’s style philosophy and pictured the way she would fit into the wingback role. As she imagined it, her phone rang and unraveled her thoughts.

**Lauren: what are your plans for the night?**

**Kelley: nothing, really. Just going to hang out**

She had promised to meet Hope for the kines study session, but she wasn’t sure how Lauren would take that information. To half the team, Hope Solo was like a bad word.

**Lauren: Okay I didn’t want to put this on you for finals week, but Alex needs her roommate for the night. We had breakfast together and I’m driving her home right now, pick up some snacks or something**

**Kelley: what’s going on??**

**Lauren: She told me a little bit of it the other day and won’t really say anything more now but basically Serv wants to take a break for the summer and she doesn’t know what to do.**

**Lauren: you know her better than I do, you can do much better than I can**

**Kelley: got it. Thanks cheney. I’ll be at the dorm in five**

* * *

While the rest of the campus bunkered down behind textbooks and stacks of notes, Alex and Kelley spent the first night of finals week cuddled on Alex’s bed watching pirated TV shows and eating the cookies Kelley had picked up after Lauren’s earlier texts. It wasn’t the wisest move for the first night of exams, to be sure, but Kelley had insisted after hearing of Alex’s problems with Servando. It only took Kelley a few minutes to persuade Alex to put on sweats and blow off studying for the night, and it only took half an episode of New Girl for Alex to break down and open up completely. Kelley talked her through it, offering cookies when words failed.

She even backed out of the kinesiology cram session, sending hope a short text: **Hey, can’t make it. Roommate duties. See you at the final.**

**Hope: No problem. Have a good night.**

And Kelley returned her focus to Alex entirely. They hadn’t been confidantes like this for a long while; Alex had her best friend back for the night and the security blanket Kelley provided relaxed her into accepting the wisdom Kelley could provide.

_Maybe it’ll be a good thing to have the summer to yourself. You’ll both see each other next fall. It’s not like it’s the end. You guys will work it out. You will. Just after a break._

In the end, ambiguity tasted better than struggle. Alex finally agreed somewhere around two in the morning and the sun seemed to break through the clouds.

“It’s just you and me for the summer, then. Thanks, Kelley,” she murmured as she fell asleep on Kelley’s shoulder. They stayed like that through the night.

Alex’s eight AM biology final left little time for sentimentality the next morning, but Kelley, watching from the comfort of her bed, noted with pride that at least the forward was standing tall. This would be good for her, Kelley reasoned, before rolling back over and falling asleep.

The last week of their freshman year was a whirlwind of tests and essays and caffeine runs, coupled with the added stress of moving out of the dorms, storing furniture too big to take home, and trying to squeeze in goodbyes with friends.

Kelley handled her three tests with relative ease, surprising even herself. Maybe she had learned something once she actually started showing up for her classes. She managed a wink at Hope when she dropped off her test in kinesiology and received a small but satisfying smile in return. Her English essay, on the other hand, had her up past midnight in the middle of the night, scrutinizing and re-writing every line of the ten-page paper for possible errors until finally Alex yelled at her for her obsession with perfect grammar.

All the while, their cleats and soccer balls lay mournfully in the corner, untouched. The lack of physical activity didn’t help with the stress—even running would have been acceptable, but Hope hadn’t texted her and Kelley knew they were both too busy anyway.

By Friday night, when everyone had either successfully finished their final exams or reached complete apathy, Alex and Kelley met up with the rest of their teammates for a quick celebration of the seniors who would be graduating the next morning. They had all said their goodbyes and given advice already. Now, they simply toasted to the year, the program, and each other. Kelley jumped into Ash’s arms one last time. Abby stole a beer from Kristie and Shannon slipped her another one with a wink. Becky, Amy, and Cat predictably kicked everyone’s asses in charades, the dynamic duo of Ali and Heather won beer pong, and everyone failed miserably at Twister.

And at midnight, together they all raised their beers and cheered. The school year was over.

* * *

They’d stripped the pictures and collages off the walls, taken down the flags and posters, packed away all but a few essential clothing articles. Their dorm room had been the last thing tying Kelley to school and it had been her last responsibility, and now that it was nothing but empty walls and cheap furniture, all she had to occupy her mind was tomorrow’s flight home.

That, and…well.

She stared down at her phone and considered the choice. Last time had just ended so badly, with so much indecision and uncertainty and odd sense of rejection when Hope hadn’t returned her messages. She had come through in the end, though, hadn’t she? Kelley wondered what would have happened had they not met at the party that night.

All she wanted was one more run together before she left for summer. Forty-five minutes. Hope’s face. That was all.

The exact moment she opened her messages to continue the back-and-forth internal debate, a new message flashed across the screen.

**Hope: Survive finals week?**

**Kelley: Beasted it**

**Hope: Need some stress relief?**

Kelley nearly dropped her phone.

**Kelley: Sure**

**Hope: Let’s head over to the fields, bring cleats and a ball.**

* * *

They were as alone on the field as they were on their early morning runs, but this time Kelley's head wasn't buzzing with the usual white noise brought on by the proximity of Hope's body. Instead, she was wishing she'd turned down this invitation.

"Let's go again," Hope commanded, managing to sound breezy and untroubled even though she was breathing as hard as Kelley. "Remember what space I want to attack, and keep me from moving you out of it.”

Kelly settled into position, wiping sweat out of her eyes with the back of her hand. Hope stood poised on the balls of her feet, then dribbled forward at speed, Kelley backpedaling, Hope feinting, the pair moving closer toward goal...with twenty yards of space left, Kelley lunged in, sticking Hope in a tackle. Their bodies collided and Hope managed to use her strength to dig the ball out of the tackle and knock Kelley far enough off-balance to touch it past her. 

"Shit!" Kelley hissed under her breath.

"No, that was good," Hope said, panting. They collected the ball and walked side-by-side back to the start position. "You slowed it down enough for everyone to get back and cover, it would have been fine in a real game, so long as you turned to cover instead of stopping and swearing at me."

Kelley laughed slightly, reassured. "Sorry."

"It’s a striker habit, I know, but I expect you to turn and keep working if you're going to play in front of me." Hope grinned at her.

"So I will be playing in front of you, then?"

"We'll see.”

They had been at it for an hour and a half under the dying sun, sweat dripping off their bodies as Hope and Kelley ran at each other again and again and again. Hope walked Kelley trough defensive positioning, drilling her with a surprising adroitness and teaching her to be more proactive and intelligent. This was nothing like the casual superiority with which Hope guided study sessions; her heels certainly weren't kicked up on a desk now. This girl was one who had had a long love affair with the game, for better and worse.

"You're really good," Kelley said at last, after a successful streak of one on one defending raised her confidence.

"I'm no Alex or Abby," Hope replied, "But I'm better than a cone and good enough to work with you for your defending."

"I'm surprised, I thought you were just a keeper."

Indignation flitted over Hope's face. "Keepers have to be able to use their feet and I was a forward for years before I switched it up for college. Plus, when I play pickup on weekends, we rarely use keepers. Everyone who comes out just plays every position."

"That sounds fun."

"When they come back next fall, I'll bring you out there to play."

The flutter in Kelley's chest caused her to fall on her ass the next time Hope came at her, which in turn drew a shout of laughter out of Hope.

The sound was worth the fall.

It didn't take much longer for their legs to grow lead-heavy, and soon enough their intense one on one drill turned to casual shooting, with Hope in goal and Kelley outside the penalty area, cracking long-range balls between bouts of conversation. She wasn't putting much effort into her shots, not was Hope into her saves, but every once in a while Kelley's striker instincts would take over and Hope would respond with a flash of brilliance. And the keeper's focus, even between shots, was unbelievable.

The sun was sinking behind the horizon and no one had arrive to turn on the field lights when Hope and Kelley finally called it quits. They collapsed together on the side of the goal, Hope cracking open a water and handing it to Kelley, who took a long swig and handed it back. They stared at the sky for a long time.

“Well, this is basically what I’ll be doing all summer," Kelley murmured at last. “Training till I drop.”

"I know. That's what it takes. You know that."

"Yeah."

"You did well today. Don't worry about the summer, I believe in you, Kell."

Since her meeting with Tom, Kelley had accepted the numbness in her chest. At Hope’s words, it suddenly spiked in temperature.

"Thanks. So are you going to come out and train with me?"

"If you want."

"I do," Kelley insisted. She sat up, and Hope followed suit. "When I get back, we’ll start then."

Maybe she was just tired, or maybe she had actually lost her aloofness somewhere along their morning running route. "Okay, I'm in," Hope said warmly, "When are you coming back?"

"Three weeks. Then I start turning into a defender."

"You already are," Hope aid with a laugh, giving Kelley a light shove, "You work hard, that's the most important part. You're going to do great."

From 'you did well' to 'you're going to do great.' The numbness was dissipating at an alarming rate, ocean fog burning off under the heat of Hope's smile.

Of course, another statement hung heavier in the air.

"Three weeks," Hope repeated. "Three weeks...of peace and quiet and sleeping in. I can't wait."

"Shut up, you won't know how to fill your time without me!" Kelley scoffed.

"You think I'll miss that ego?"

Kelley leaned in, sticking out her tongue and resisting as Hope, laughing, tried to shove her away. "Not as much as you'll miss this face as soon as I get on my plane tomorrow."

" _Maybe,"_ Hope fired back, smiling. The world quieted as they sat together, suddenly far too close.

Three weeks.

The laughter lingering on their faces and the fact that they were still just inches away made it easy for Kelley to lean in before logic ripped her back. She closed her eyes and kissed Hope and the rushing in her ears drowned out all other sound.

Kissing her was effortless, instinctual, and all she could think about was how damn good it felt. Not only the surprising tenderness of Hope’s mouth, but the rush of satisfaction from finally experiencing something she hadn’t realized she had wanted so badly. As soon as the first wisps of logic returned, Kelley’s only thought was to _pray_ that she hadn’t imagined Hope leaning in as well.

She pulled away as soon as the kiss drifted past chaste, opening her eyes to see Hope’s face smooth and emotionless as a marble statue. Quickly calculating the angles, Kelley’s stomach dropped: she _had_ imagined Hope leaning in. Or she’d shut her eyes too soon. Or moved too fast, or some combination of the three.

Her eyes found the grass and the seconds that they sat there felt like hours, as the air thickened with tension.

_Why did I do that?_

_“_ I’m sorry.”

She felt Hope shift next to her, moving away by inches. Hope’s voice was very even when she finally spoke. “It’s okay.”

No, it wasn’t.

Hope hesitated, then added quietly, “We should probably head home, though, it’ll be dark soon.”

“Yeah…Yeah, definitely.”

Under the pretense of getting her ball, Kelley jumped to her feet and jogged off. She used the time to fight down the rising feeling of shame, and to let Hope push in her headphones and take off, if she wanted. But when Kelley looked back, Hope had shrugged her bag over her shoulder and stood there, waiting for Kelley to catch up. Kelley had no choice but to fall into step beside her. Her lips still burned.

_Why did I kiss her?_

The crunching of grass under their shuffling feet was the only sound for a few minutes. Kelley couldn’t decide whether to apologize again, or just ignore what had happened. Or fix it by trying again, which was what she really wanted to do. Silence, then, was the best option.

Hope spoke up at last. “You know, that was a good effort, but it’s too late for me to bump up your grade in kinesiology.”

 Kelley’s gaze snapped up to meet Hope’s again, confusion momentarily breaking through her rising shame. “What?” she asked, blinking.

“Trying to charm the TA into giving you a better final grade?”

Kelley stared for a full five seconds before she noticed Hope’s smirk and realized that she was joking. “Oh. Wait—my final grade? Oh god…did it _need_ to be bumped?”

She was at once extremely glad for the distraction and extremely worried about her grade. Her embarrassment over her failed kiss fell to third on her priority list.

“I have no idea,” Hope said with a shrug, “I just can’t help you now.”

It was an escape route and for all her supposed bravado, Kelley was not going to pass it up; she demanded information about her grade and test performance from a tight-lipped Hope.

They used Hope’s joke to ease back into light conversation about finals and summer plans and the weather—all of which was a relief, because the silence had been suffocating. Focused as she was on the effort of casual conversation after something so monumentally embarrassing, she didn’t realize where they were walking. Suddenly they stood in front of her dorm.

“Well,” Hope said, pushing her hands into her pockets, “I guess, have a safe flight tomorrow, and enjoy your time at home.”

Kelley nodded. “Yeah, have fun here. Have a good summer.” She just wanted to get out from under Hope’s cautionary stare, eyes that watched her as if she were liable to do something else stupid and dangerous.

She was looking up at her dorm to avoid this very gaze when Hope surprised her by leaning forward and pulling Kelley in for a hug. She released it quickly, almost as soon as Kelley instinctively put her arms up to return it, and stepped away.

“Three weeks,” Hope said briskly, “Don’t get too out of shape, we’ll race when you come back.”

“Sounds good,” Kelley replied as she fumbled for her keys. “Have a good summer, Hope.”

She tacked on a hurried goodbye, which seemed to suit Hope even better. As soon as Hope turned away and headed for home, Kelley slipped through the front door of her dorm building and pressed herself out of sight against a wall, sliding down to the floor.

Two months ago, she had been on top of the world, flirting with everything that moved and soaking up the California sun with her best friends. Now, all she wanted was the comfort of home so that maybe she could avoid thinking about Hope Solo.

As awful as the aftermath of that kiss had been, all she could imagine was doing it again.


End file.
